My auntie who seems to me to be thoroughly wise as all things she says into my life come true eventually. Has come to stay again. And she made another scary prediction, much like her last such deadly one. Perhaps the last one wasn't a prediction but a realistic or pessimistic view. It Was one time when she came to stay Siobhan was over. Once Siobhan had left my auntie was asked by my mum if she liked Siobhan. My Aunt said something along the lines of Siobhan who? That girl that was just here oh she was nice, i didn't bother getting to know her cause it wont last and I'll never see her again with a laugh. At the time this was incredibly cruel I kinda shunned my auntie for the rest of her visit but she was right.
This latest prediction was to do with university, she reckons I'm gonna drink a lot. Which I've made up my mind to stay well away from. Next year is Study, Sport, Study, Church, Study, Study oh and did I mention Study? This is so I CAN get into med school. Alcohol is a useless distraction which alters the brain and helps people make decisions they regret later. If you can have fun without alcohol something is sad so very sad. Anyway that's my opinion! Most of the people I know do not drink sensibly and are always like ALCOHOL! WHOA! YEAH! We need to get some of that! whoop! Which is stupid when they get it they drink to much and do really stupid things. When in my opinion being sober and hanging out doing stuff is much more fun. Alcohol doesn't even taste nice! Why drink it when we can have ginger beer or coke? Much tastier beverages! Anyway that's me for my Thursday night rant. I was in the mood to rant. . .
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
5 things I could have said.
At the moment I'm reading High Fidelity, I love that book, each time I read it I pick up something new. The characters, especially the main one are all so real. They're confused, unsure what they want and miserable. Recently I've been wanting to meet Rob, ask him some questions, and even though I know the advice he'd give me probably wouldn't be that great at least he could sell me some good music.
One of my favourite bits in the book is the part when Rob gets a phone call from Ray. The guy that his then ex-girlfriend Laura moved in with when she left him. The book then goes through the entire phone call and then thiers a list of other things he could have said, ranging from hanging up, to completely abusing the hell outta Ray, with the conclusion any of these things would have been a better alternative than what he actually said. Its so realistic though. I mean when we say something to someone, or that someone over hears then we rethink it. These situations happened to me twice in the weekend.
One was a phone call. I got it and was nice and kind and the person was nice and kind and it all confused the hell out of me. It got me worried and worked up about something, someone I really shouldn't care that much about. Not because I don't want to so much as they don't want me too. To be honest the way I handled that call ruined my weekend and I spent most of Sunday debating in my head how I should have handled it.
I then spent the whole day regretting not doing option 5, or, 1, or 2, mostly 4 though, well regretting not going with option four and watching out to see if you did come, if you did remember my invitation and that you did care about me and it wasn't just because you were drunk. I was severely disappointed. Then I asked you about it and it was almost at bad as having to listen to you not do any work in statistic's class and talk about him.
Fuck you.
Before anyone says's anything to me about this all. It's my blog I can post what ever I want. Maybe I'm still this way because I am just a Patsy for your love?
Ok the other situation was a little less dramatic more of a quick speech thing, when I responded to something someone said with the wrong words. It was about someone missing a penalty in golden goal extra time. I said that'd make you want to commit suicide. I mean what the hell was I on? What I meant it that'd make you just want to disappear, you'd feel miserable. A person next to me over heard and commented on what a dumb thing I said. Someone nice who'd make a good friend, and I couldn't look at them for the next while cause I felt so stupid. Spent all of Sunday evening regretting not thinking about what I said. . . Almost tempted me to jump into the wine at my Nana's birthday dinner. However after the 5am experience I think alcohol is best to be avoided for everyone in every situation. Unless you in an emergency situation and you need to do something painful to someone and thiers no pain killers. . . Maybe then alcohol could be helpful.
One of my favourite bits in the book is the part when Rob gets a phone call from Ray. The guy that his then ex-girlfriend Laura moved in with when she left him. The book then goes through the entire phone call and then thiers a list of other things he could have said, ranging from hanging up, to completely abusing the hell outta Ray, with the conclusion any of these things would have been a better alternative than what he actually said. Its so realistic though. I mean when we say something to someone, or that someone over hears then we rethink it. These situations happened to me twice in the weekend.
One was a phone call. I got it and was nice and kind and the person was nice and kind and it all confused the hell out of me. It got me worried and worked up about something, someone I really shouldn't care that much about. Not because I don't want to so much as they don't want me too. To be honest the way I handled that call ruined my weekend and I spent most of Sunday debating in my head how I should have handled it.
- Fuck off it's 5 am.
- Piss of you stupid drunken idiot, I hate you and all you've done leave me alone.
- Are you alright? Do you need me to come around? What happened etc. . . .
- I hate you, your a whore, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you've done, I know its not all your fault but you didn't have to be such a slut about it. I thought I might have meant more, blah blah blah. (Ok this response would've probably brought out drunken tears, and for some reason this doesn't bother me as much as It probably should.)
- Ignored the whole situation.
I then spent the whole day regretting not doing option 5, or, 1, or 2, mostly 4 though, well regretting not going with option four and watching out to see if you did come, if you did remember my invitation and that you did care about me and it wasn't just because you were drunk. I was severely disappointed. Then I asked you about it and it was almost at bad as having to listen to you not do any work in statistic's class and talk about him.
Fuck you.
Before anyone says's anything to me about this all. It's my blog I can post what ever I want. Maybe I'm still this way because I am just a Patsy for your love?
Ok the other situation was a little less dramatic more of a quick speech thing, when I responded to something someone said with the wrong words. It was about someone missing a penalty in golden goal extra time. I said that'd make you want to commit suicide. I mean what the hell was I on? What I meant it that'd make you just want to disappear, you'd feel miserable. A person next to me over heard and commented on what a dumb thing I said. Someone nice who'd make a good friend, and I couldn't look at them for the next while cause I felt so stupid. Spent all of Sunday evening regretting not thinking about what I said. . . Almost tempted me to jump into the wine at my Nana's birthday dinner. However after the 5am experience I think alcohol is best to be avoided for everyone in every situation. Unless you in an emergency situation and you need to do something painful to someone and thiers no pain killers. . . Maybe then alcohol could be helpful.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Theme Thursday - Brown
Everything going on seems to be the colour of mud. . .
Recently at my house there has been a bit of rain. Meaning some areas of my nice green lawn that are frequently trodden on mainly by my dog Max.
Have turned to a gross muddy mess. What Max doesn't seem to understand yet even after 8 years, that if you have muddy shoes you take them off. If your shoes are part of your body then your screwed. You can't get inside, and that you get in more trouble for jumping up on the windows with muddy paws. Why are animals so stupid? Often we take pity on him, especially if mum's out and less him in with a minimal foot wipe. Other times if mum is there then we have to put him in the garage for half and hour to let him dry off. Theirs not a lot for a dog to do in the garage. Poor Dog.
Apologies for the rather under thought out theme Thursday. Usually I take a lot of time to think about it but been busy this week with assignments, going to the Pixies, and group practises for a house singing competition at school. (I'm dancing going to be fail. . . )
P.S. I uploaded a video of Canoe Polo to my blog if your interested it's the post below this one!
Recently at my house there has been a bit of rain. Meaning some areas of my nice green lawn that are frequently trodden on mainly by my dog Max.
Have turned to a gross muddy mess. What Max doesn't seem to understand yet even after 8 years, that if you have muddy shoes you take them off. If your shoes are part of your body then your screwed. You can't get inside, and that you get in more trouble for jumping up on the windows with muddy paws. Why are animals so stupid? Often we take pity on him, especially if mum's out and less him in with a minimal foot wipe. Other times if mum is there then we have to put him in the garage for half and hour to let him dry off. Theirs not a lot for a dog to do in the garage. Poor Dog.Apologies for the rather under thought out theme Thursday. Usually I take a lot of time to think about it but been busy this week with assignments, going to the Pixies, and group practises for a house singing competition at school. (I'm dancing going to be fail. . . )
P.S. I uploaded a video of Canoe Polo to my blog if your interested it's the post below this one!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Back from My Holiday!
I am back from my weekend away. I spent the time boarding with my family, and my mate Thomas. It was much better than going with myself. Thomas and I had a lot of fun doing runs that were far beyond our ability, and stacking a lot!
It was nice to be in Wanaka such a beautiful place in New Zealand, and be surrounded by the mountain air and beautiful scenery.
I was able to sigh and take a deep breath in and just enjoy the view. It was brilliant.
Unfortunately for me on the second to last night of us staying the 20 something year old's next door decided to have a party. There was a keg, and they were still going when I finally got to sleep well after 2am. Then getting up at 7am to go snowboarding did not lead to the most energetic day on the slopes. I'm still knackered now. Completely exhausted, I think I'm gonna have a super Early night tonight, straight after Doctor Who. :P
A 6hr drive, of quietness letting me think about what I want to do, has almost made me sure I want to be a doctor. So hopefully by the end of this week I'll no for certain and I can put some direction into my life!
Also I learned that listening to my music for 5hrs straight, skipping out random ones leads me to a euphoric state of mind that fills me with false hope, and a sense that following my gut might make me happy. Ah the problems with pop music!
P.S.
Does flipping a coin repetitively so that you get the other outcome mean that the later one is the preferred?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Graph Lack of Sleep and it's relationships
I'm not sure if you can see my graph but its something I've been thinking about recently, after me not getting enough sleep then the amount of dumb/stupid/rude/and things that make me sound like a dick, thought afterwards "WHAT THE HELL SAM! YOU IDIOT".I don't like saying those things, and obviously I'm not saying I'm blaming them on a lack of sleep.
I just think there maybe some sort of relationship there, and if there is I need to get more sleep to hopefully sort myself out.
I'm sick of feeling constantly drained, cause due to lack of sleep and other things, that's how I feel at the moment. I need to sort this out. I have found that exercise seems to boast my mood for a while, but later it just returns to a flat drained place. Early night for me tonight I guess!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Multivax
My friend Lawrence gave me this shot story to read. I find it both facinating and creepy at the same time. If you have a spare 10minutes check it out.
http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html
http://www.multivax.com/last_question.html
Sunday, August 16, 2009
All Outta Staples
Argh! I'm all out of staples!!! I need some to you know... Staple! Argh Its really annoying! And on top of that i have a stupid little kitty cat that keeps trying to trip me up in the dark hallways of my house! Dumb cats. Who ever decided to make them pets for humans, they're more annoying than they are nice! They only seem to want to cuddle when you've got something infinately complicated to do, or your incredibly busy! Im mean honestly cats! Come on! Step up your game! Well replace you with small dogs that cant catch frisbe's but look funny!
Well i will tell you one thing, I found my stapler and the cat left me alone so maybe its learning to get outta my way when im mad at the lack of staples!!!
Well thats all I have to say about that.
Well i will tell you one thing, I found my stapler and the cat left me alone so maybe its learning to get outta my way when im mad at the lack of staples!!!
Well thats all I have to say about that.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
New Sam; GOALS
Well, I have been thinking, mowing lawns is very therapeutic. . . I've decided I am lazy. I know I am, it's by choice too. I can quite easily sit down on the computer and waste away hours, i did it almost all of yesterday. This happens especially when I've planed my day. For example yesterday i decided I'd get up, wash my dad's car, was my car, and maybe mow the lawns then go to the movies with friends using the lawn money, go home do maths homework and economics's.
What actually happened is as follows; Woke up, looked at the time, went back to sleep, got up an hour later, go on computer for 1 and 1/2 hours, go to have a shower, no hot water, go back to room, go on computer, decide to risk cold shower, become very awake, go back to computer, go downstairs, watch tv, computer, then ask for a ride, raid my money box til empty to just get enough money to pay for the movies, wait for mum to take me the bus stop (I have a car but I can't actually drive it legally by myself yet. . . ) get to the movies late, hung out at the mall with almost no money for 30mins, bused home, watched television.
On reflection that was a huge waste of a day, i achieved nothing! From now on this changes I will set myself goals. With this blog as my witness i will stick to them! I will update the blog regularly to keep me accountable, say at least once a week.
So today I thought as I mowed the lawns (on a ride on) between the mindless honing and mowing figure of 8's; of a few goals I need.
So these are my goals as of now. I'm sure I had more so I may post some more later if the occur to me.
So now, I'm going to go do maths homework. Good luck me!
What actually happened is as follows; Woke up, looked at the time, went back to sleep, got up an hour later, go on computer for 1 and 1/2 hours, go to have a shower, no hot water, go back to room, go on computer, decide to risk cold shower, become very awake, go back to computer, go downstairs, watch tv, computer, then ask for a ride, raid my money box til empty to just get enough money to pay for the movies, wait for mum to take me the bus stop (I have a car but I can't actually drive it legally by myself yet. . . ) get to the movies late, hung out at the mall with almost no money for 30mins, bused home, watched television.
On reflection that was a huge waste of a day, i achieved nothing! From now on this changes I will set myself goals. With this blog as my witness i will stick to them! I will update the blog regularly to keep me accountable, say at least once a week.
So today I thought as I mowed the lawns (on a ride on) between the mindless honing and mowing figure of 8's; of a few goals I need.
- Get Fit; Seems simple but every good goal needs ways to complete it. I'm not horribly unfit, but i would like to be fit for health reasons, be able to keep up with my gf (she's quite athletic) And as a sub-goal as I've probably left it far to late due to my problem to get into the OPC team. To do this I will go to the trainings on Tuesday mornings, drink more water, restart doing the 100 push ups challenge, go to the weights room and go for runs (perhaps get up early to do it?).
- Study and do Homework; As being a lazy teenager I don't do a lot, and one of those things I don't do is my homework. I've done maths homework maybe 3 times this year other subjects only when it's been important or when teachers have being nagging. I want to get it done so now on I will do it! And whats more, I will study. I have 80 more credits this year, that with effort I could get excellences, to get the excellence endorsement. I want to get it this year. I don't understand algebra so I must get out my text book and study it. I think maybe I should turn my computer off before school and not turn it on until after I've done homework and study, and if it requires a computer do that last.
- Read More; I like reading, but when I'm between books I don't. Not because i don't want to just I've got nothing to read so I don't. I don't actively seek new books to read either I need to start doing this. To fix this I shall go to the library, the school one, and get one for the city library's (my old one ran out).
- Get my drivers license!; I'm 17 in 3 weeks, I could have my full by now, I've had my learners for over a year. I need to get the next step up at least! This one I want to complete by the end of the month. So what shall I do? Get the Fiat serviced. Practise driving everywhere I can. Book my Restricted test for before the 31st.or make excuses. So No more. Now on I will practise. As often as possible
- Get good at drums; I've been learning the drums for 2 and 1/2 years? and yet I'm not very good! Obviously I need to practise more and I always mean to but I always getdestructedat least 3 times a week excluding youth group 'jam' on Thursdays.
So these are my goals as of now. I'm sure I had more so I may post some more later if the occur to me.
So now, I'm going to go do maths homework. Good luck me!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Eating Truffles with your Mum.
POKEMON!
Well, today? It was a day like many others before it. It was a school like, school day which as every student knows means several boring drilling hours of school with about 1hr and 10mins of free time, which can be spent anywhere within the confines of the unwalled re-education facility. Not only is this a sad day that nothing has really happened its also, a sad day because it never really looked like anything was ever going to happen. I woke up as usual, in a ZOMBIE like state I showered got dressed and just managed to jump into the car on the way to school.
Actually, i didnt realise the significance of this individual ride, the last time I'd ever see that vehicle. . . And what ever lost and hidden treasures that live with in it, as my Mum's got herself a knew car. The same, a rav4 just this ones the 2009 model, so basically imagine a shiney mini, then imagine a shiney tank with the interior of a mini. Thats the new vehicle in my household.
Anyway back on track, I arrived at school did the locker thing no surprises there, as usual even though one people had promised to do something a few weeks ago and im still waiting, but that'd envolve effort on there part and they're far to lazy to do anything like that!
We spent first period in a computer lab researching something to do with ism's a complete waste of time if you ask me! I spent the lesson looking up random stuff on the net. . . That was kinda related to ism's like this site http://phrontistery.info/isms.html with lots of ism's!
The rest of the day was, as it should and i wont bore you with it any longer, seeing as its 1/4 past 11 and im tired as a Snorlax. Although I'd like to say that if infact you've managed to read to this line you are a champion, otherwise those who havnt you are losers. :)
Useless blog 101!
:) - Smile
:( - Sad Face
<:) - Party
<@ - Rose
:] - Alternative Smile
:[ - Alternative Sad Face
;) - Wink
:'( - Tear
<3>
^_^ - Contented Smile
:P - Tongue Out Smile
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Music Moves my Soul
I was thinking just now, as i walked down the stairs. Music moves my soul, well my mind. Music has the power to make a great day better, a bad day worse, a alright day alrightier. Do you get it?
Some examples, when life and relationships and stuff are going great and you've just spent a great day with that special someone a song like "All the Small things" by blink 182 or "Trucker Hat" by Bowling for Soup make everything more smiley.
On a crap shit day, when its raining outside and in your mind and in your heart. Everythings miserable, relationships not working the way you want them to. "Down" or "Always" by blink 182 and "Where'd you go?" byFort Minor makes it all more that sorta way.
When your lonely and missing someone terribly and you want them to come back to you, from Tahiti songs like; "Hold Me Tight" by the Beatles/Across the Universe (coverers), "I Miss You" by blink 182, "Verona" Elemeno P, heaps of other songs that make you think of them bring those feelings of missing, wanting to be with that person. "I want to hold your hand" by the Beatles. "All I want (Next to You)" the Offspring
I guess what im saying is that music, can connect to your heart and mind your very soul and reflect your mood, amplify it make it bigger, stronger, block out other emotions. Well thats what it does to me, I like songs that say something to me, i dont like pointless crap that doesnt really make sence, that i cant relate to in anyway. Like why would i let someone suck my Lollypop? Why would that appeal to anyone? Ok I admit a few pointless songs songs slip through, songs that on a happy day, make me happy cause they're about a cowardly dog that needs to come and save the day. Everyone needs that Dog to help them out! :P I dont understand some songs, they're good songs, i just cant see how they connect to me, how they can add to me or anything, so they dont make it.
So to finish this all off, what songs amplify your emotions? Bring up certain feelings in you when you hear them or did once upon a time? Im curious to know. If you make a entry on your own blog leave a comment here first so i can check it out, I'd Love to read what songs work for you.
Some examples, when life and relationships and stuff are going great and you've just spent a great day with that special someone a song like "All the Small things" by blink 182 or "Trucker Hat" by Bowling for Soup make everything more smiley.
On a crap shit day, when its raining outside and in your mind and in your heart. Everythings miserable, relationships not working the way you want them to. "Down" or "Always" by blink 182 and "Where'd you go?" byFort Minor makes it all more that sorta way.
When your lonely and missing someone terribly and you want them to come back to you, from Tahiti songs like; "Hold Me Tight" by the Beatles/Across the Universe (coverers), "I Miss You" by blink 182, "Verona" Elemeno P, heaps of other songs that make you think of them bring those feelings of missing, wanting to be with that person. "I want to hold your hand" by the Beatles. "All I want (Next to You)" the Offspring
I guess what im saying is that music, can connect to your heart and mind your very soul and reflect your mood, amplify it make it bigger, stronger, block out other emotions. Well thats what it does to me, I like songs that say something to me, i dont like pointless crap that doesnt really make sence, that i cant relate to in anyway. Like why would i let someone suck my Lollypop? Why would that appeal to anyone? Ok I admit a few pointless songs songs slip through, songs that on a happy day, make me happy cause they're about a cowardly dog that needs to come and save the day. Everyone needs that Dog to help them out! :P I dont understand some songs, they're good songs, i just cant see how they connect to me, how they can add to me or anything, so they dont make it.
So to finish this all off, what songs amplify your emotions? Bring up certain feelings in you when you hear them or did once upon a time? Im curious to know. If you make a entry on your own blog leave a comment here first so i can check it out, I'd Love to read what songs work for you.
Friday, February 27, 2009
99% Cacao
I was thinking, if the awnsers not clear? Why? If its a maybe? Why not a yes? How can it be what you say it is when your actions contridict it? Why can someone be fine in your mind one minute, then after stewing over what they say and it all goes down the plug? Why do people do things? Say things? And then keep you at arms length, are they doing it for kicks? Do the understand the power they have?
Man if i wrote a book, i think High Fedality styles the way I'd go... Lots of thinking, saying stuff, but not. Good book btw. . . I think i might read it twice. . . I hope i never end up like Rob. . .
Im starting to think about things I say before I say them with everyone, this scares me. It means i get to consciously decide whether to lie or not. Like my Dad asked me today if i'd heard from the driving instructor, i knew I had. I decided to say no, because i didnt want to talk about it and cause dont really want to learn from the guy. . . Its scary, driving, and the instructors weird. . . I dont know, you know that vibe you get off some people and you just know its going to be awkward, and that theres no way you could be friends? And OMG the cars smells like old people. . . I had a shower last time just to get rid of the smell!!!
ARGH!!!
This weekend is going to suck! Driving lesson, Homework, Frisbee Golf (I know what the hell! and as far as i know only Jacobs going. . . im trying to contain all the excitement thats building up inside me. . . nope cant quite stand it. . .) Playing band in church which is just flipping stressful. . . and frustrating cause no one helps you set up the drumkit and its normally broken cause who ever put it away last time didnt do it properly! then iv got a free sunday afternoon. . . well maybe! Who knows? God knows!!!
Im so tired as well its 1/4 past 10 and my minds hit the fan, and i can barely sit up in my seat!
Pretty colours!
Man if i wrote a book, i think High Fedality styles the way I'd go... Lots of thinking, saying stuff, but not. Good book btw. . . I think i might read it twice. . . I hope i never end up like Rob. . .
Im starting to think about things I say before I say them with everyone, this scares me. It means i get to consciously decide whether to lie or not. Like my Dad asked me today if i'd heard from the driving instructor, i knew I had. I decided to say no, because i didnt want to talk about it and cause dont really want to learn from the guy. . . Its scary, driving, and the instructors weird. . . I dont know, you know that vibe you get off some people and you just know its going to be awkward, and that theres no way you could be friends? And OMG the cars smells like old people. . . I had a shower last time just to get rid of the smell!!!
ARGH!!!
This weekend is going to suck! Driving lesson, Homework, Frisbee Golf (I know what the hell! and as far as i know only Jacobs going. . . im trying to contain all the excitement thats building up inside me. . . nope cant quite stand it. . .) Playing band in church which is just flipping stressful. . . and frustrating cause no one helps you set up the drumkit and its normally broken cause who ever put it away last time didnt do it properly! then iv got a free sunday afternoon. . . well maybe! Who knows? God knows!!!
Im so tired as well its 1/4 past 10 and my minds hit the fan, and i can barely sit up in my seat!
Pretty colours!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
ADDICTED!!!
I AM ADDICTED!!! Its 10:56pm and im tired. For some bizarre reason i cant stop playing stick rpg games!!! http://dan-ball.jp/en/javagame/ranger/
Monday, February 9, 2009
Enjoy the Silence.
ARGHHHH!!!! I dont know, School! Argh its soooo boring! I thought Yah! Friends in my classes. . . It seems everyone feels like me. . . And Just is meh! The people I thought would want to sit with me just plain dont. I dont know why! I dont know how long I can cope! Its all so boring!!! I'm finding subjects hard, like english, People using words to discribe things that I have never heard before!!! Its REDICULOUS!!! and why's it all about Love?!?!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Oh Darling!
Please believe me,
Il never do you no harm,
Believe me when i tell you I'l never do you no harm. . .
Well what to say? what to say?
Siobhans Back! *Hears Loud Cheers in the background*
I meet her at the Airport gave her flowers and hung out with her at her house, the next day we went for a run. A LONG run by my standards! My legs almost died! And then i came home. Wow that was an interesting blog. I Hope that the next one is slightly better!
Il never do you no harm,
Believe me when i tell you I'l never do you no harm. . .
Well what to say? what to say?
Siobhans Back! *Hears Loud Cheers in the background*
I meet her at the Airport gave her flowers and hung out with her at her house, the next day we went for a run. A LONG run by my standards! My legs almost died! And then i came home. Wow that was an interesting blog. I Hope that the next one is slightly better!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
And I felt alone, on my balcony. . .
Well today has been one spent in near seclusion. My only company being a farting dog, a snuggly cat, and an old women telling me her life story.
I was asleep, and i was woken because my Dad needed phone numbers off his cellphone that he'd left in Christchurch. (He's at a comference in Auckland?) Then there was my Oma to talk to. I know her life story now! She moved to NZ from Germany after the war when she was 12. . . and im sure you care even less than i did. I wasnt really in the mood for it. I learned that my Granddad is even worse than i thought he was. Well according to his wife he is!
It was about 5 and i was wondering where everyone else was. Not having any sane human contact at all that day and none since about 2. I was feeling lonely. Well in they come through the door and i go to see whats up. Enquire why Mrs Bailey had rung. To be sworn at by my brother and witness him call my mother some not so nice words!
Well he's lost his computer now. Im very tired still. I should go to sleep earlier. Its hard to get to sleep when your minds as stir crazy as mine is with nothing working out right. Im sorry. My Life is a mess, like a four year old playing in a bath tub full of paint.
Why do I not get invited to meet up with anyone? I almost always free! Just a thought. . .
I Like you, Do you like me?
Lets get together have adventures it could lead to better days
And why is everyone so mean to everyone else? Why do people spread the past? Why would the care if they're your friend? Why would it be any of there business anyway?
I was asleep, and i was woken because my Dad needed phone numbers off his cellphone that he'd left in Christchurch. (He's at a comference in Auckland?) Then there was my Oma to talk to. I know her life story now! She moved to NZ from Germany after the war when she was 12. . . and im sure you care even less than i did. I wasnt really in the mood for it. I learned that my Granddad is even worse than i thought he was. Well according to his wife he is!
It was about 5 and i was wondering where everyone else was. Not having any sane human contact at all that day and none since about 2. I was feeling lonely. Well in they come through the door and i go to see whats up. Enquire why Mrs Bailey had rung. To be sworn at by my brother and witness him call my mother some not so nice words!
Well he's lost his computer now. Im very tired still. I should go to sleep earlier. Its hard to get to sleep when your minds as stir crazy as mine is with nothing working out right. Im sorry. My Life is a mess, like a four year old playing in a bath tub full of paint.
Why do I not get invited to meet up with anyone? I almost always free! Just a thought. . .
I Like you, Do you like me?
Lets get together have adventures it could lead to better days
And why is everyone so mean to everyone else? Why do people spread the past? Why would the care if they're your friend? Why would it be any of there business anyway?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Christmas dinner?!
Hello there peoples, and persons!
Well today was apparently christmas dinner. Its weird cause its not even december yet. But we still had a christmas dinner. With all the cousins that like in chch and Nana. It was mildly not boring. It meant i had to get up by like 12 though. When my cousins started to arrive!
We played Halo2 and ate food. That was that not at all entirely exciting at all! But what is? Everythings just painful and slow, and boring.
Well this was a pointlessly stupid entry. . .
Yes quite.
Well today was apparently christmas dinner. Its weird cause its not even december yet. But we still had a christmas dinner. With all the cousins that like in chch and Nana. It was mildly not boring. It meant i had to get up by like 12 though. When my cousins started to arrive!
We played Halo2 and ate food. That was that not at all entirely exciting at all! But what is? Everythings just painful and slow, and boring.
Well this was a pointlessly stupid entry. . .
Yes quite.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
No more exams!
I feel so exhusted. I suppose bing up at 11pm doesnt help me much though. I feel so tired after exam's.
Lol now continueing writing this entry at 12pm :P
Well life, is as it is! Exam's are over, school is over! Im trying to be busy. but old habits are kicking in, making sorta plans then my brain kinda panic's and i try and weasel my way out of them. Maybe i am a weasel? I dont want to be a weasel, they're ugly. And evil like the ones in Redwall! Great books btw just dont match with each other which annoys me!
Well im gonna go night nights now. . . I miss how things used to be. I kinda miss school, sad huh? It was so easy though, get up do this be here at this time and do that. Sure it was boring but it was easy. . . and i saw everyone. Oh well il have to make an effort. Im going to try and get fit these holidays! :) It should be fun, and exhusting. . . Il have to be more selfdisiplined than i was this morning though. I woke up thought i should go for a run. Thought "Stuff it rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up again then went and had a shower and computered/weights/push ups for and hour before having milo cereal for breakfast.
I then kinda studied. Then i got Mcdonalds on the way to school for my exam said Hi to Nick, Bob and Jacob. Then did the exam. Got annoyed and spent like an hour trying to make it balance. Stupid thing! Turned out it didnt need to balance. . . which makes it incredibly GAY!!! Then did the whole youth group thing. . . It was boring except i volunteered to ask the questions to the leaders. Man it's wierd calling my Dad "Chris". He's never been Chris to me, its just so different...
Anyways im going to go and sleep now!
Lol now continueing writing this entry at 12pm :P
Well life, is as it is! Exam's are over, school is over! Im trying to be busy. but old habits are kicking in, making sorta plans then my brain kinda panic's and i try and weasel my way out of them. Maybe i am a weasel? I dont want to be a weasel, they're ugly. And evil like the ones in Redwall! Great books btw just dont match with each other which annoys me!
Well im gonna go night nights now. . . I miss how things used to be. I kinda miss school, sad huh? It was so easy though, get up do this be here at this time and do that. Sure it was boring but it was easy. . . and i saw everyone. Oh well il have to make an effort. Im going to try and get fit these holidays! :) It should be fun, and exhusting. . . Il have to be more selfdisiplined than i was this morning though. I woke up thought i should go for a run. Thought "Stuff it rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up again then went and had a shower and computered/weights/push ups for and hour before having milo cereal for breakfast.
I then kinda studied. Then i got Mcdonalds on the way to school for my exam said Hi to Nick, Bob and Jacob. Then did the exam. Got annoyed and spent like an hour trying to make it balance. Stupid thing! Turned out it didnt need to balance. . . which makes it incredibly GAY!!! Then did the whole youth group thing. . . It was boring except i volunteered to ask the questions to the leaders. Man it's wierd calling my Dad "Chris". He's never been Chris to me, its just so different...
Anyways im going to go and sleep now!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Exams
Argh!!! I just did my Maths exams and i was overconfident. I thought id be doing great in them and i was until the last question on each paper! i was like ARGH!!! SO FRUSTRATING!!! I think i may have gotten E's on two off them. But i wanted to ace them to make sure i passed NCEA with Excellence. Now the only way i will pass the year with Excellence is if i aced Economic's, ace Accounting and get atleast on E in History tomorrow!!!
SO BIG!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Basically if i miss one of the Excellences im aiming for i will only pass the year with Merit! AND TO ME THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I wish i worked harder this year on the internals i had even though i only had like 9 i got E in 4 of them and Merit in 4 and achieved in one. I wish i put just a little bit more effort in those 4 i didnt get with E, even though the some of them were english which im not very good at! ARGH!!!
Im also annoyed that so many of the subjects we've done have been unit standards! They should be achievement standards!!! (Unit standards you can only pass or fail). Its annoying cause Science which im usually getting E's and M's in this year was only unit standards apart from one test (i got E in that). And Religious studies! WTH!!! All unit standards, basically copy awnsers straight from the book! Because of this stupid subject we got offered less topic's in some exams! i mean what the hell! It was a complete waste of 3 periods a week! 30 Periods a term, 100ish Periods! WHAT THE HELL! Great way to waste 100hrs of our lives! Gosh!
Argh, oh well i should be studying for history right now so im going to go do that. I need to get E in one of the things so iv got to learn dates, places, and names of people! AH!!!
Oh well i hope your all going well with your exams and arent as ready to explode as me!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Good bye! Powering off. . .
"Good bye! Powering off. . ."
This is what my phone said to me as i looked at it dispairingly. I dont know completly how to feel. I feel numb. It's a strange feeling. Sometimes i feel hurt, like now as i type this. Other times i feel happy like last night. :) Most the time now though i feel numb. I dont really feel like doing anything. And the stress from exams doesnt help!!! Im gonna go study tomorrow if i can get up in time. I need some early nights. . . Yes tomorrow a WHOLE day studying! doesnt that just sound dreadful? I think my brain will explode. But i really need to study maths and to study history. . .
Argh!!!
Im mega tired. . . so i hope i don't make to many errors.
What have i been up to you wonder?
Well iv spent two and a half days studying at my mummys work! Full days like 7-8hrs of hard studying. I have also done a english exam (went terribly i think :( ) and a economic's exam which was a walk in the park on a summers day, if i do say so my self! I have more exams coming up so im a bit stressed at the moment. I went to the Gym yesterday with Siobhan, and she was right it is fun! But i was smelly afterwards. She was wrong though about looking completly disgusting afterwards!
Whats going on in my life?
Lot's Exams, Relationships, tiredness! Exam's ARGH!!!! Relationships, meh!!! People can be painful, and it hurts :(. Some people are sad and thats no good. Others i dont know, its just wierd hanging with them. Maybe some of thats cause i feel so numb? Im not sure. I miss some things. The way they used to be. Even though there were many things wrong. I wish it could be fixed. I hate things that have happened.
Right now?
Im wishing i didnt send those last to txts. . . Im not sure if i can deal with the truth. Its going to hurt me. Heres the reply now. . . *deep breath* FUDGE. Yes well that wasnt what i expected. . . Nor was it what id hoped for though.
Im sooo tired. I might try and go to sleep. Good night peoples. Pray for better days! Pray for happiness, Pray for an end to all this confusion. Pray for People who you Love. Pray. . .
:)
This is what my phone said to me as i looked at it dispairingly. I dont know completly how to feel. I feel numb. It's a strange feeling. Sometimes i feel hurt, like now as i type this. Other times i feel happy like last night. :) Most the time now though i feel numb. I dont really feel like doing anything. And the stress from exams doesnt help!!! Im gonna go study tomorrow if i can get up in time. I need some early nights. . . Yes tomorrow a WHOLE day studying! doesnt that just sound dreadful? I think my brain will explode. But i really need to study maths and to study history. . .
Argh!!!
Im mega tired. . . so i hope i don't make to many errors.
What have i been up to you wonder?
Well iv spent two and a half days studying at my mummys work! Full days like 7-8hrs of hard studying. I have also done a english exam (went terribly i think :( ) and a economic's exam which was a walk in the park on a summers day, if i do say so my self! I have more exams coming up so im a bit stressed at the moment. I went to the Gym yesterday with Siobhan, and she was right it is fun! But i was smelly afterwards. She was wrong though about looking completly disgusting afterwards!
Whats going on in my life?
Lot's Exams, Relationships, tiredness! Exam's ARGH!!!! Relationships, meh!!! People can be painful, and it hurts :(. Some people are sad and thats no good. Others i dont know, its just wierd hanging with them. Maybe some of thats cause i feel so numb? Im not sure. I miss some things. The way they used to be. Even though there were many things wrong. I wish it could be fixed. I hate things that have happened.
Right now?
Im wishing i didnt send those last to txts. . . Im not sure if i can deal with the truth. Its going to hurt me. Heres the reply now. . . *deep breath* FUDGE. Yes well that wasnt what i expected. . . Nor was it what id hoped for though.
Im sooo tired. I might try and go to sleep. Good night peoples. Pray for better days! Pray for happiness, Pray for an end to all this confusion. Pray for People who you Love. Pray. . .
:)
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