Infinate Worries and Stresses

My auntie who seems to me to be thoroughly wise as all things she says into my life come true eventually. Has come to stay again. And she made another scary prediction, much like her last such deadly one. Perhaps the last one wasn't a prediction but a realistic or pessimistic view. It Was one time when she came to stay Siobhan was over. Once Siobhan had left my auntie was asked by my mum if she liked Siobhan. My Aunt said something along the lines of Siobhan who? That girl that was just here oh she was nice, i didn't bother getting to know her cause it wont last and I'll never see her again with a laugh. At the time this was incredibly cruel I kinda shunned my auntie for the rest of her visit but she was right.
This latest prediction was to do with university, she reckons I'm gonna drink a lot. Which I've made up my mind to stay well away from. Next year is Study, Sport, Study, Church, Study, Study oh and did I mention Study? This is so I CAN get into med school. Alcohol is a useless distraction which alters the brain and helps people make decisions they regret later. If you can have fun without alcohol something is sad so very sad. Anyway that's my opinion! Most of the people I know do not drink sensibly and are always like ALCOHOL! WHOA! YEAH! We need to get some of that! whoop! Which is stupid when they get it they drink to much and do really stupid things. When in my opinion being sober and hanging out doing stuff is much more fun. Alcohol doesn't even taste nice! Why drink it when we can have ginger beer or coke? Much tastier beverages! Anyway that's me for my Thursday night rant. I was in the mood to rant. . .

SCHOOL!!!

When im in the pit, Im going punch and kick!

Thanks for not moshing.
Well I'm a bit confused at the moment, i just came back from a leaders meeting. I had planned a blog out in my head before hand. Some stuff has happened in the life of one leader, and my personal friend and he doesnt think that our church is the right place for him right now. So thats sort of made my mind think, i didnt agree with his reasons. Its sad though, I'l miss not seeing him on sundays.

Also him leaving kinda makes me the oldest 'young person' at church and i alreadt feel sort of a sort of outsider cause im a bit older than the other young Ilam-ites.

Another totally unrelated thing to all this thats sort of messing with my mind, is how wierd everyone around me is acting, some people are just argh; I want to PUNCH there lights out some times!!! Cause the comments they make, or how they suddenly act, or the petty things they do (maybe i read in to much but if my idea is right man are they pathetic). I hate little people. . . And other people have acted weird today and they'v just been strange today. I must talk to them and try and piece together whats up in there mind!

Across the Universe

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup they slip a while they pass the slip away across the universe,
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy, adrifting through my open mind, pocessing and curessing me.

[Jai Guru Deva]

Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes they call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox they tumble blindly as they make there way across the universe,

Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,
Nothings gonna change my world,

[Jai Guru Deva]
[Jai Guru Deva]
[Jai Guru Deva]

Eating Truffles with your Mum.

POKEMON!

Well, today? It was a day like many others before it. It was a school like, school day which as every student knows means several boring drilling hours of school with about 1hr and 10mins of free time, which can be spent anywhere within the confines of the unwalled re-education facility. Not only is this a sad day that nothing has really happened its also, a sad day because it never really looked like anything was ever going to happen. I woke up as usual, in a ZOMBIE like state I showered got dressed and just managed to jump into the car on the way to school.

Actually, i didnt realise the significance of this individual ride, the last time I'd ever see that vehicle. . . And what ever lost and hidden treasures that live with in it, as my Mum's got herself a knew car. The same, a rav4 just this ones the 2009 model, so basically imagine a shiney mini, then imagine a shiney tank with the interior of a mini. Thats the new vehicle in my household.

Anyway back on track, I arrived at school did the locker thing no surprises there, as usual even though one people had promised to do something a few weeks ago and im still waiting, but that'd envolve effort on there part and they're far to lazy to do anything like that!

We spent first period in a computer lab researching something to do with ism's a complete waste of time if you ask me! I spent the lesson looking up random stuff on the net. . . That was kinda related to ism's like this site http://phrontistery.info/isms.html with lots of ism's!

The rest of the day was, as it should and i wont bore you with it any longer, seeing as its 1/4 past 11 and im tired as a Snorlax. Although I'd like to say that if infact you've managed to read to this line you are a champion, otherwise those who havnt you are losers. :)

Useless blog 101!

:) - Smile

:( - Sad Face

<:) - Party

<@ - Rose

:] - Alternative Smile

:[ - Alternative Sad Face

;) - Wink

:'( - Tear

<3>

^_^ - Contented Smile

:P - Tongue Out Smile

99% Cacao

I was thinking, if the awnsers not clear? Why? If its a maybe? Why not a yes? How can it be what you say it is when your actions contridict it? Why can someone be fine in your mind one minute, then after stewing over what they say and it all goes down the plug? Why do people do things? Say things? And then keep you at arms length, are they doing it for kicks? Do the understand the power they have?

Man if i wrote a book, i think High Fedality styles the way I'd go... Lots of thinking, saying stuff, but not. Good book btw. . . I think i might read it twice. . . I hope i never end up like Rob. . .

Im starting to think about things I say before I say them with everyone, this scares me. It means i get to consciously decide whether to lie or not. Like my Dad asked me today if i'd heard from the driving instructor, i knew I had. I decided to say no, because i didnt want to talk about it and cause dont really want to learn from the guy. . . Its scary, driving, and the instructors weird. . . I dont know, you know that vibe you get off some people and you just know its going to be awkward, and that theres no way you could be friends? And OMG the cars smells like old people. . . I had a shower last time just to get rid of the smell!!!

ARGH!!!

This weekend is going to suck! Driving lesson, Homework, Frisbee Golf (I know what the hell! and as far as i know only Jacobs going. . . im trying to contain all the excitement thats building up inside me. . . nope cant quite stand it. . .) Playing band in church which is just flipping stressful. . . and frustrating cause no one helps you set up the drumkit and its normally broken cause who ever put it away last time didnt do it properly! then iv got a free sunday afternoon. . . well maybe! Who knows? God knows!!!

Im so tired as well its 1/4 past 10 and my minds hit the fan, and i can barely sit up in my seat!

Pretty colours!

ADDICTED!!!

I AM ADDICTED!!! Its 10:56pm and im tired. For some bizarre reason i cant stop playing stick rpg games!!! http://dan-ball.jp/en/javagame/ranger/

Enjoy the Silence.

ARGHHHH!!!! I dont know, School! Argh its soooo boring! I thought Yah! Friends in my classes. . . It seems everyone feels like me. . . And Just is meh! The people I thought would want to sit with me just plain dont. I dont know why! I dont know how long I can cope! Its all so boring!!! I'm finding subjects hard, like english, People using words to discribe things that I have never heard before!!! Its REDICULOUS!!! and why's it all about Love?!?!

Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?

School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?

I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?

I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.

Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Wasted Day

Well im up now at 20 to 2am cause i cant sleep.
One of those times where thoughts are blasting through my head at a million miles per second.
Many about the day i wasted, I did nothing. Well i played video games and watched a movie. Nothing real was accomplished. I even replied to a txt i was sent at the brilliant speed of 2 and 1/2hrs! And it was an important txt the sorta one that if you dont reply quickly you dont get a reply, and the no reply leaves you thinking desperately and feeling desserted late at night. Until you check your phone and discover that you took 2 and 1/2 hrs to reply! And then you feel guilty. And Lonely. And depressed over a wasted day.

Instead of going to sleep so you can wake up the next day you get outta bed walk across the room to your laptop to post a blog that maybe 3 people will read. Why? Man this is losing all structure and i imagine is hard to follow at all. I guess im blogging so at least i did something with my day. I had planned things to do. I didnt do them, no reason why either just didnt get around to doing them. I SHOULD have done them. But i didnt.

Christmas dinner?!

Hello there peoples, and persons!

Well today was apparently christmas dinner. Its weird cause its not even december yet. But we still had a christmas dinner. With all the cousins that like in chch and Nana. It was mildly not boring. It meant i had to get up by like 12 though. When my cousins started to arrive!

We played Halo2 and ate food. That was that not at all entirely exciting at all! But what is? Everythings just painful and slow, and boring.

Well this was a pointlessly stupid entry. . .

Yes quite.

AH!!!

Exams soon, im a bit worried. But not to much. . . Im gonna study lots on Thursday and Monday. So i should be all good! Im just stressed over other things. Its almost been a month. And nothings getting better. Well it doesnt seem to be anyway. And that makes me sad.

Im worried about other people. I wish people could be happy! I miss old times when it was fun. Before everyone got confused and screwed up and stressed! I wish people knew what they wanted.

I dont really know what im going to be when i grow up. I wish i did. I dont want a job. Works lame. Rather just sit in a room and do nothing.

I need to get more money i have $1.10 in my bank account at the moment. SO POOR!!! Im slowly eating through my cash supply. I think i need to start taking my lunch when i go out and taking a drink bottle. Save me like $8 a time! Thats over half my money per week! Theres a plan!

I got 2nd in Economic's. Im annoyed at myself, i shouldv studied for the tests now. . . No one ever remembers second place. People dont say well done im proud of you. They always go "Who came first?" next year im going to work harder, i want to get first in something.

I dont know how i feel about myself, I used to think i was smart, but im not, im average. I used to think i was kind and people would turn to me when they needed to talk, but they dont. I used to be happy all the time, but now im not. I rarely feel happy, happy. Most the time its just what can i do so im not sitting on my arse in front of the computer. People invite me to things but its not overly thrilling. Just average. I used to look forward to seeing people, now most people i dread it. I used to think people wanted to see me. Now i feel like baggage, i dont normally get a smile. If i do i get ditched for someone else if they come along. Maybe im boring?

Who know's i dont!

Im so tired. . . I need to go to bed on time. Prize giving tonight. I have to go sit through 2hrs+ of people getting 1st in this and 1st in that! So depressingly boring! Good for them though. But i only feel pride for a few people who won. I dont know if they care entirely that i do or understand how proud I am of them. I feel like everyone's growing with new relationships and im not. Everyone's making new friends and im not needed like i used to be, and im losing my place in peoples lives.

Maybe im just a grizzling. . .

Im going to go do something now!

Have fun in this game of life!