ARGHHHH!!!! I dont know, School! Argh its soooo boring! I thought Yah! Friends in my classes. . . It seems everyone feels like me. . . And Just is meh! The people I thought would want to sit with me just plain dont. I dont know why! I dont know how long I can cope! Its all so boring!!! I'm finding subjects hard, like english, People using words to discribe things that I have never heard before!!! Its REDICULOUS!!! and why's it all about Love?!?!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Showing posts with label worried. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worried. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
And I felt alone, on my balcony. . .
Well today has been one spent in near seclusion. My only company being a farting dog, a snuggly cat, and an old women telling me her life story.
I was asleep, and i was woken because my Dad needed phone numbers off his cellphone that he'd left in Christchurch. (He's at a comference in Auckland?) Then there was my Oma to talk to. I know her life story now! She moved to NZ from Germany after the war when she was 12. . . and im sure you care even less than i did. I wasnt really in the mood for it. I learned that my Granddad is even worse than i thought he was. Well according to his wife he is!
It was about 5 and i was wondering where everyone else was. Not having any sane human contact at all that day and none since about 2. I was feeling lonely. Well in they come through the door and i go to see whats up. Enquire why Mrs Bailey had rung. To be sworn at by my brother and witness him call my mother some not so nice words!
Well he's lost his computer now. Im very tired still. I should go to sleep earlier. Its hard to get to sleep when your minds as stir crazy as mine is with nothing working out right. Im sorry. My Life is a mess, like a four year old playing in a bath tub full of paint.
Why do I not get invited to meet up with anyone? I almost always free! Just a thought. . .
I Like you, Do you like me?
Lets get together have adventures it could lead to better days
And why is everyone so mean to everyone else? Why do people spread the past? Why would the care if they're your friend? Why would it be any of there business anyway?
I was asleep, and i was woken because my Dad needed phone numbers off his cellphone that he'd left in Christchurch. (He's at a comference in Auckland?) Then there was my Oma to talk to. I know her life story now! She moved to NZ from Germany after the war when she was 12. . . and im sure you care even less than i did. I wasnt really in the mood for it. I learned that my Granddad is even worse than i thought he was. Well according to his wife he is!
It was about 5 and i was wondering where everyone else was. Not having any sane human contact at all that day and none since about 2. I was feeling lonely. Well in they come through the door and i go to see whats up. Enquire why Mrs Bailey had rung. To be sworn at by my brother and witness him call my mother some not so nice words!
Well he's lost his computer now. Im very tired still. I should go to sleep earlier. Its hard to get to sleep when your minds as stir crazy as mine is with nothing working out right. Im sorry. My Life is a mess, like a four year old playing in a bath tub full of paint.
Why do I not get invited to meet up with anyone? I almost always free! Just a thought. . .
I Like you, Do you like me?
Lets get together have adventures it could lead to better days
And why is everyone so mean to everyone else? Why do people spread the past? Why would the care if they're your friend? Why would it be any of there business anyway?
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