I was thinking, if the awnsers not clear? Why? If its a maybe? Why not a yes? How can it be what you say it is when your actions contridict it? Why can someone be fine in your mind one minute, then after stewing over what they say and it all goes down the plug? Why do people do things? Say things? And then keep you at arms length, are they doing it for kicks? Do the understand the power they have?
Man if i wrote a book, i think High Fedality styles the way I'd go... Lots of thinking, saying stuff, but not. Good book btw. . . I think i might read it twice. . . I hope i never end up like Rob. . .
Im starting to think about things I say before I say them with everyone, this scares me. It means i get to consciously decide whether to lie or not. Like my Dad asked me today if i'd heard from the driving instructor, i knew I had. I decided to say no, because i didnt want to talk about it and cause dont really want to learn from the guy. . . Its scary, driving, and the instructors weird. . . I dont know, you know that vibe you get off some people and you just know its going to be awkward, and that theres no way you could be friends? And OMG the cars smells like old people. . . I had a shower last time just to get rid of the smell!!!
ARGH!!!
This weekend is going to suck! Driving lesson, Homework, Frisbee Golf (I know what the hell! and as far as i know only Jacobs going. . . im trying to contain all the excitement thats building up inside me. . . nope cant quite stand it. . .) Playing band in church which is just flipping stressful. . . and frustrating cause no one helps you set up the drumkit and its normally broken cause who ever put it away last time didnt do it properly! then iv got a free sunday afternoon. . . well maybe! Who knows? God knows!!!
Im so tired as well its 1/4 past 10 and my minds hit the fan, and i can barely sit up in my seat!
Pretty colours!
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Enjoy the Silence.
ARGHHHH!!!! I dont know, School! Argh its soooo boring! I thought Yah! Friends in my classes. . . It seems everyone feels like me. . . And Just is meh! The people I thought would want to sit with me just plain dont. I dont know why! I dont know how long I can cope! Its all so boring!!! I'm finding subjects hard, like english, People using words to discribe things that I have never heard before!!! Its REDICULOUS!!! and why's it all about Love?!?!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Across the Universe
I did watch this movies today. Movie? Maybe sorta musical. If you've never heard of it. It is the story of Jude, Lucy, Sadie, Jojo, Max, and Prudence. With those names alone several of you may be beginning to feel clicks appearing in your mind to what the songs in the musical are. . . Well Jonny, if you havn't im dissapointed!
The story/musical/movie is full of Beatles songs everywhere. Not in a horrible way where everything is that, but where conversations are had and songs are sung linked but seperately. It is beautifully crafted. I very much enjoyed the movie. It made me go on Youtube and listen to the beatles songs in the movie. And I must say that even though this will be considered hiracy by some. . . I much prefer the versions of the songs sung by the cast in the movie. If you'd like to hear them listen to them in my playlist box.
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I think NQA is going to do a big screen viewing of this movie sometime soon! It should be great!
The story/musical/movie is full of Beatles songs everywhere. Not in a horrible way where everything is that, but where conversations are had and songs are sung linked but seperately. It is beautifully crafted. I very much enjoyed the movie. It made me go on Youtube and listen to the beatles songs in the movie. And I must say that even though this will be considered hiracy by some. . . I much prefer the versions of the songs sung by the cast in the movie. If you'd like to hear them listen to them in my playlist box.
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I think NQA is going to do a big screen viewing of this movie sometime soon! It should be great!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
And I felt alone, on my balcony. . .
Well today has been one spent in near seclusion. My only company being a farting dog, a snuggly cat, and an old women telling me her life story.
I was asleep, and i was woken because my Dad needed phone numbers off his cellphone that he'd left in Christchurch. (He's at a comference in Auckland?) Then there was my Oma to talk to. I know her life story now! She moved to NZ from Germany after the war when she was 12. . . and im sure you care even less than i did. I wasnt really in the mood for it. I learned that my Granddad is even worse than i thought he was. Well according to his wife he is!
It was about 5 and i was wondering where everyone else was. Not having any sane human contact at all that day and none since about 2. I was feeling lonely. Well in they come through the door and i go to see whats up. Enquire why Mrs Bailey had rung. To be sworn at by my brother and witness him call my mother some not so nice words!
Well he's lost his computer now. Im very tired still. I should go to sleep earlier. Its hard to get to sleep when your minds as stir crazy as mine is with nothing working out right. Im sorry. My Life is a mess, like a four year old playing in a bath tub full of paint.
Why do I not get invited to meet up with anyone? I almost always free! Just a thought. . .
I Like you, Do you like me?
Lets get together have adventures it could lead to better days
And why is everyone so mean to everyone else? Why do people spread the past? Why would the care if they're your friend? Why would it be any of there business anyway?
I was asleep, and i was woken because my Dad needed phone numbers off his cellphone that he'd left in Christchurch. (He's at a comference in Auckland?) Then there was my Oma to talk to. I know her life story now! She moved to NZ from Germany after the war when she was 12. . . and im sure you care even less than i did. I wasnt really in the mood for it. I learned that my Granddad is even worse than i thought he was. Well according to his wife he is!
It was about 5 and i was wondering where everyone else was. Not having any sane human contact at all that day and none since about 2. I was feeling lonely. Well in they come through the door and i go to see whats up. Enquire why Mrs Bailey had rung. To be sworn at by my brother and witness him call my mother some not so nice words!
Well he's lost his computer now. Im very tired still. I should go to sleep earlier. Its hard to get to sleep when your minds as stir crazy as mine is with nothing working out right. Im sorry. My Life is a mess, like a four year old playing in a bath tub full of paint.
Why do I not get invited to meet up with anyone? I almost always free! Just a thought. . .
I Like you, Do you like me?
Lets get together have adventures it could lead to better days
And why is everyone so mean to everyone else? Why do people spread the past? Why would the care if they're your friend? Why would it be any of there business anyway?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
First to be said goodbye too
Well Hello, reader.
Yes singular! Lol that's all i think anyway! :p Oh well i only have 3 peoples blogs that i follow.
Any way! the point of this blog! Im not happy at the moment. Obvious reasons, but one seems to be the way things are going around everyone. I dont know if its just me, but i feel like EVERYONE is saying hello to be last, and goodbye to me first. Maybe im just being crazy. But thats what it feels like. And being the last one to be replied to as well. I remember a time when i'd literally spring across the room when i got a txt, casue i hoped it'd be from someone and often it was. I liked to think the other person did the same. I still do that sometimes. Anyhow it could just be life at them moment thats making me feel like this; it could just be growing up; it could be exams.
Im tired and stressed. And i guess typing a blog at 20mins past 11 doesnt help at all if your tired. Im stressed about my friends. Im not happy; some of them are some of them are worse than me! and i can not understand why! Sure its all stressful at the moment. Sure we've got issues! We need to talk through them with people, sort them all out. Then we can smile and be happy! We can pretend to be happy but when it all explodes in our face, we dont feel happy anymore. We wont feel happy and we'll stop feeling happy. It's what i try'd to do. Ignore it; pretend it'd never happened; pretend it'd all changed. It worked for a night, a day, a few days. But i always. ALWAYS got slapped back into reality by a big fat ugly fish.
Oh well, a desperatly tired boy says many things! I miss my life up intil 2months ago, i miss my life up until about 14months ago. That was when it was the best. Before the brown stuff hit the fan so to say.
MEH!!!
Yes singular! Lol that's all i think anyway! :p Oh well i only have 3 peoples blogs that i follow.
Any way! the point of this blog! Im not happy at the moment. Obvious reasons, but one seems to be the way things are going around everyone. I dont know if its just me, but i feel like EVERYONE is saying hello to be last, and goodbye to me first. Maybe im just being crazy. But thats what it feels like. And being the last one to be replied to as well. I remember a time when i'd literally spring across the room when i got a txt, casue i hoped it'd be from someone and often it was. I liked to think the other person did the same. I still do that sometimes. Anyhow it could just be life at them moment thats making me feel like this; it could just be growing up; it could be exams.
Im tired and stressed. And i guess typing a blog at 20mins past 11 doesnt help at all if your tired. Im stressed about my friends. Im not happy; some of them are some of them are worse than me! and i can not understand why! Sure its all stressful at the moment. Sure we've got issues! We need to talk through them with people, sort them all out. Then we can smile and be happy! We can pretend to be happy but when it all explodes in our face, we dont feel happy anymore. We wont feel happy and we'll stop feeling happy. It's what i try'd to do. Ignore it; pretend it'd never happened; pretend it'd all changed. It worked for a night, a day, a few days. But i always. ALWAYS got slapped back into reality by a big fat ugly fish.
Oh well, a desperatly tired boy says many things! I miss my life up intil 2months ago, i miss my life up until about 14months ago. That was when it was the best. Before the brown stuff hit the fan so to say.
MEH!!!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Humans
Humans,
Ok. People, individuals. Everyone. We're floored in some way.
Why? We are all equals, but in no way is anyone the same.
Hence people are valued differently.
So we can't be equal can we?
We all have different values.
A thing that is revolting to one person is normal to somethings.
People do wrong and get away with it.
Its not fair.
No one can possibly be equal to anyone else.
Life is just far to complicated.
People do things, mistakes. We hurt others, we scare others, we terrify them, we make them cry. Why do people suffer for other peoples mistake.
Life is not fair.
Promises, why do people say things they dont mean?
People lie. Why?
It hurts other.
ok i Lie, i break promises. But i try my hardest not to.
Why does it feel like so many others dont? A word said out loud, has to be ment.
I dont mean saying one thing by accident. I mean intimate promises between friends.
Why are they being thrown away?
Why do people say one thing then do something completly against what they just said. Hypocrites.
Why do others suffer?
Every action has a consequence.
You have to think of others.
We are all connected through relationships ever so distently.
You cant do something and exspect it not to effect someone.
Of course you could do something that effects everyone positively.
But theres is always the opposite of anything.
You cant trust people.
Some people are good, or appear good.
Most people. Somewhere in them are evil. We're Humans.
We were made for good, but Sin came into the world. We have the choice. I know Good is ultimately stronger than evil, but when choice is given to us. Our true nature is showen. Human nature.
When we're given the choice to do evil. Our own selfish human nature shows. When we have evil thoughts and choice, evil gets done.
Hence everyone is evil.
I know i am.
Why must we cause pain to others? Our world is huge. There are millions starving, while we feast on rubbish. Is that not evil? We have choice. We can help if we want to. Do we?
Sometimes not doing something is wrong.
We must try to think of others always. Watch what we say and we promise. Try hard to forgive those that do us wrong. Live in the now but always think of the future.
If everyone thought of others, then we'd all be looked after by each other. Of course we look after ourselves, but if we Loved each other. No one would be lonely. To be Loved you must first Love.
Whoa im a raunter!
No wonder i cant write essays look at that crappy structure. :P
hm. . .
Ok. People, individuals. Everyone. We're floored in some way.
Why? We are all equals, but in no way is anyone the same.
Hence people are valued differently.
So we can't be equal can we?
We all have different values.
A thing that is revolting to one person is normal to somethings.
People do wrong and get away with it.
Its not fair.
No one can possibly be equal to anyone else.
Life is just far to complicated.
People do things, mistakes. We hurt others, we scare others, we terrify them, we make them cry. Why do people suffer for other peoples mistake.
Life is not fair.
Promises, why do people say things they dont mean?
People lie. Why?
It hurts other.
ok i Lie, i break promises. But i try my hardest not to.
Why does it feel like so many others dont? A word said out loud, has to be ment.
I dont mean saying one thing by accident. I mean intimate promises between friends.
Why are they being thrown away?
Why do people say one thing then do something completly against what they just said. Hypocrites.
Why do others suffer?
Every action has a consequence.
You have to think of others.
We are all connected through relationships ever so distently.
You cant do something and exspect it not to effect someone.
Of course you could do something that effects everyone positively.
But theres is always the opposite of anything.
You cant trust people.
Some people are good, or appear good.
Most people. Somewhere in them are evil. We're Humans.
We were made for good, but Sin came into the world. We have the choice. I know Good is ultimately stronger than evil, but when choice is given to us. Our true nature is showen. Human nature.
When we're given the choice to do evil. Our own selfish human nature shows. When we have evil thoughts and choice, evil gets done.
Hence everyone is evil.
I know i am.
Why must we cause pain to others? Our world is huge. There are millions starving, while we feast on rubbish. Is that not evil? We have choice. We can help if we want to. Do we?
Sometimes not doing something is wrong.
We must try to think of others always. Watch what we say and we promise. Try hard to forgive those that do us wrong. Live in the now but always think of the future.
If everyone thought of others, then we'd all be looked after by each other. Of course we look after ourselves, but if we Loved each other. No one would be lonely. To be Loved you must first Love.
Whoa im a raunter!
No wonder i cant write essays look at that crappy structure. :P
hm. . .
Thursday, October 16, 2008
MP3 Player
I just turned my MP3 player on these were the songs,
Spare me the details - the Offspring
"I'm not the one who messed up big time"
Want you Bad - the Offspring (this song makes me cry)
Bad Medicine - Bon Jovi
Figured You Out - Nickelback (the first half i like. . .)
Question - Goldfinger
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Dumb Reminders - No Use For a Name
There will be Revenge - No Use For a Name
Starlite - Young Hearts Attack
My Head - Goldfinger
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
If Only - Goldfinger
The Last Time - Goldfinger
Why Doesnt Anyone Like Me - No Use For a Name
Cherry Pie - Warrent
Love Sick Stumach Ache - Bowling For Soup
Good Night. . .
Spare me the details - the Offspring
"I'm not the one who messed up big time"
Want you Bad - the Offspring (this song makes me cry)
Bad Medicine - Bon Jovi
Figured You Out - Nickelback (the first half i like. . .)
Question - Goldfinger
Living on a Prayer - Bon Jovi
Dumb Reminders - No Use For a Name
There will be Revenge - No Use For a Name
Starlite - Young Hearts Attack
My Head - Goldfinger
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
If Only - Goldfinger
The Last Time - Goldfinger
Why Doesnt Anyone Like Me - No Use For a Name
Cherry Pie - Warrent
Love Sick Stumach Ache - Bowling For Soup
Good Night. . .
Saturday, October 11, 2008
High Cascade!!!
Hello!!!!
Ok, so my Life was a bit rough last week, but it's gotten better. It's not perfect. But nothing ever is. I need to get my restricted soon. And i REALLY need to get more sleep! Im so tired. I havnt gone to sleep before midnight (except thursday when i fell asleep on Siobhans bed while she read. . .) but other than that night iv stay'd up late every night! Especially camp. BLOODY ANNOYING AUSSIES! Nah some of them are awsome. :) But man so are annoying when your trying to get to sleep!
It was great at camp though everyone was awsome. Except Annie the anal Aussie who just did not want anyone to have fun or to be nice to anyone! She was nuts. And not in the good Shazza kinda way! :P (Shazza or Sharon was one of the coaches she was pretty ecstatic all the time! (Like whoa whats she taking. . . And where can i get some?!)) The coaches were awsome, some from USA, one from Aussie, one from chch and my coach Beaven Hall who owned the mountain. He knew absolutly everyone! it was nutz!
Im so going back next year, anyone whos ever wanted to learn how to shred should go to a HighCascade camp. The people, the coaches, the free stuff! All awsome! and the foods not too bad. Better than i exspected anyway.
Well camps made me decided im gonna learn to skateboard. Seeing as you can do that all year and not snowboard. :(
Im considering going on an exchange, like during our summer so i can board more! YAH!!!
I <3>
Im getting a highlight video off camp, so il try to put that on my bebo at some point
Well Im tired. So i should sleep! Good night world. Sleep well. I miss some of you! I'm better than last week :)
Thank You.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
How can i?
How can i concentrate?
How can i get better?
How can i pass these exams!?!?!
How can i help you to see what i see?
When all you ever try and do is try and make me see how you see?
How can i fix you?
How can i make you smile?
How can i cope these changes?
How can i survive this cold!?
How do i get rid of my cough and my headache?
How do i make you happy?
Why do you feel that way?
Why wont you help me?
Im trying my hardest!
I need you to be therefore me.
I cant cope with this much longer. . .
I feel like im going to explode!
I'm sick.
I'm tired.
I'm going to study.
I hope you ring.
If you dont soon im going to sleep.
Know Il always Love you.
To the end and beyond.
And remember "What seems to man to be righteous and good may in Gods eye be evil." or something like that.
Good Bye.
How can i get better?
How can i pass these exams!?!?!
How can i help you to see what i see?
When all you ever try and do is try and make me see how you see?
How can i fix you?
How can i make you smile?
How can i cope these changes?
How can i survive this cold!?
How do i get rid of my cough and my headache?
How do i make you happy?
Why do you feel that way?
Why wont you help me?
Im trying my hardest!
I need you to be therefore me.
I cant cope with this much longer. . .
I feel like im going to explode!
I'm sick.
I'm tired.
I'm going to study.
I hope you ring.
If you dont soon im going to sleep.
Know Il always Love you.
To the end and beyond.
And remember "What seems to man to be righteous and good may in Gods eye be evil." or something like that.
Good Bye.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Killer, Murderer . . . and Birthday Parties!
Thats what my friend Nick Muttered at me some what accusingly at me. . . I stared back blankly. My brain trying to figure out what he was talking about. . . He'd been telling me he hated me all night (admittedly this was when i PWNED that Newb!!!) Then it clicked he was just talking bout me shirt! Cereal Killer. . . Thats what i am!
Well a few days ago it was my birthday so yester day 6 boys ascended on my house. Each one Hungerer than the last!!! THe plan was that id hire a Xbox360 and my friend would bring his so we could play 8 player Halo3 but i didnt book one at any video store and they were all hired out. My Mother dear ran around for an hour trying to track one down. But it didnt work as planned so basically we set up one Xbox360 with 3 controllers until one broke, a PS2 with Guitar Hero, my xbox with 3 player Halo2 and StarWars Battlefront 2 (only 3/4 ports work!) and my Laptop was used all night long for Youtubing and Msning.
My Friend Daniel brought caffine pills so some people took them to stay up all night. . . He's crashed now in the spare bedroom and has been for 2 1/2 hrs now. :P Only Bob coped doing it Al-la-Natural.
It was a good night except i had to keep getting more food! Boy my friends can eat. At about 1/4 5 i went to sleep until 10:30 most of my friends except Nick stayed up the WHOLE night! Poor Bobby had a cold. And Jacob try'd to go sleep in the Spare bedroom but when Nick started snoring, loudly. I think Jacob description was "like a train crashing into Mt Vesueveous". In the moring when i woke everyone was ready for breakfast so i fried the bacon and Nick made Pikelets and we feed those wolves. It was a good party.
My Birthday was good this year except i felt sick on the day, and i forgot my lunch! so i survived on gofted Chocolate and Reeses Pieces!
I got lost of cool things i got a drumkit! Yuss!!! It's Blue and its really just for practising i imagine if it got moved more than twice it'd fall apart! But it's still Mine! And I got Doc's!!! And Pj's and ear phones, MooLa, like $130 (in Total) hehe! An Eb games Voucher, a Rubber Ducky a Bracelet cuf thingy, Fudge, Chocolate, Cranberry Juice, a book bout that man with the paperclip. The new Elemeno P Album, a Switchblade album a Chimchar Doll! Tim and Bob's card was funny, And Jacob made a neat comic stripe witch ill upload sometime.
Well im gonna go have lunch now seeing as it's 3:36 and im Hungry!!!
So Long Suckers!
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