Hello Bloggy world!
I could say I've been to busy to blog recently but that'd be a downright lie. I have been house sitting though which was a fun, if expensive and probably badly timed experience considering I have just over 3 weeks before I head off to uni.
Currently I'm screwed as I have no student loan and I have about $400 in my savings. . . If I can hold onto it and fight the urge to buy Polo gear.
I have also been playing heaps of polo, I Love this sport. I wish I'd found it earliar so I'd be better and then It would be feasible to go to trails and get into an epic team. . . But I didn't even make my school A team being my first year playing. . . And missed out on a regional team, well I couldn't roll then. . . I sound a tad bitter don't I. Oh well I can make up for that, I'm getting my own gear I've got my $50 boat, getting my $700 Paddle (Ordering it cheap from the UK works out to be $400-$500, when the shop tells me how much postage would be!!!) Looking for a helmet, and other such handy polo thingys. I'm also throwing a ball against a wall practically everyday for 15-20mins and when I get to dunners and am staying in a hostel with a weights room I plan to start weights training to get my long shots down. Now I'm just blabbering on about Canoe Polo. . . My mum hates it when I talk about it, but hey I can't help what I get obsessed about!
Tomorrow I'm off with the fam-bam to Kayak the Abel Tasman, should be an epic adventure, even though my parents and my brother weren't the people I originally planned on having it with. Times change, people change, life's stressful ain't it.
During my house sitting I had my mate Jonny over we playing 360 had a ball, he's one of those people where you can not see them for years and then they're there and its like they never left. It's awesome to have these friends they're like auto save friends. I wonder how many other auto save friends I have.
I had other people over people from school, I invited quite a few people over but tonnes of them were busy it was a tad of a downer. . . Especially New Years when the people who said they were coming didn't show up and forgot to text me. . . Oh well I got to hunt defenceless animals in Red Dead Redemption and finish the story mission. Awesome game by the way. Do get it!
I sure can blabber. . . Hopefully my next post will be sooner and more worthy of being read.
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Change. Show all posts
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Everymorning
Everymorning for the last few weeks I've been waking up before my alarm. Somedays I've managed to slip back into sleep and pass right through my alarm again. But for the last week on days when I can sleep in I've been finding it impossible. Thoughts goinng though my head, it's wierd I'm not properly awake because I think in ryhme, who does that?
I come up with elaboate poems full of vesus of how I feel and whats going on. How crazy everything is how my heart and my head can't agree and how the heart is constantly hurting. I'm not sure if I should bore the world with my awful poetry and rhymes.
Here are some lyric's that I cannot get out of my head, they're from Nathan Kings Album the crowd. Note these are only a few of the songs that are stuck in my head constantly at the moment.
Wake Up
This could be the night
I could say a few words and make things right
Tap into your sympathy?
I've heard it on the wind
like a hurricane lies near blowing in
And some of them were bound fo you
But I feel aright and I don't know why
Cause I'm sick inside of it all
If you wake up now you can save us all
And this whole bad dream will crumble and fall
Someone pinch me now cause its out of control
I've heard it all before
It's a good thing I don't take take it no more me
When a Billion people count on me
And I see it in your eyes
but with both hands tied how are you going to fight?
And is this how it's gonna be?
If you wake up now you can save us all
And this whole bad dream will crumble and fall
Someone pinch me now cause its out of control
Make it up to them and me
With the line in the sand
Your little chance that they're meant to see
But it I feel alright
and I don't know why
If you wake up now you can save us all
And this whole bad dream will crumble and fall
Someone pinch me now cause its out of control
Someone pinch me now,
Someone pinch me now,
Never Too Late
I'm caught in the middle now
When I should have gone around
You'd have thought I could read the signs
or put up some kind of fight
Now I can't go left or right
No I can't go left or right
I'm trapped in a shrinking room
Is it curtains for me soon?
When the doors locked I know you said;
Take the window out instead
But I struggle even then
But I know it's never too late at all.
Too late at all
Even when it gets too close to call,
It's never too late at all
I'm stuck in a leaking boat with this message that I wrote
Throw a bottle in the sea
maybe you'll come back to me
And this won't stay just a dream
No it won't stay just a dream
Cos I know its never too late at all.
too late at all
Even when it gets too close to call,
It's never too late at all
So help me, the waters raising
and I'm desperate to breathe
I thought I could hear you now
maybe I should have hung around
But my head got the best of me
Still I never could believe
It's too late now
Too late now
Even when it gets too close to call,
It's never too late at all
Not Enough
Here it is the hardest part
where you say 'no' and my tears start
How did this thing not leave the ground
If we weren't that high, why am I so far down
Now it's gone
Love in an instant is gone
Now its hard to believe for so long
That we just couldn't see what we'd done
So I'll hide my love fo you a mile underground
But it's not enough, you just dig it up
And how am I supposed to tunnel my way out
When it's not enough, but I can't give up
Run with me down endless streets
Untie these hands, unbind these feet
with all the symtoms of a fool
But with all the couage of one too
I'd never leave you now
This love was cut and dried
Now all I can do is try
To make you believe me
The Mystery
Your Love is a gallery, and I'm hung on the wall
Portaits of a symphony, and I'm one of the chords
Your love's an orginal, one of a kind
Unfolding in front of me, and I'm part of the design
Your love is a remedy, for all I feel inside
And I know who I'm supposed to be
but it's taking a while
I'm part of the mystery, kept off to oneside
Not making apoligies, for shining a light
Is it hard to believe in someone like me?
Is it hard to rely on what you can't see?
Is it hard to relate to what you're never known?
Is it hard to remain without letting go?
I want to stand where tha world can't hide
And look on the stage where we live and die
I want to see all the plans you used
And make sense of the path I choose
I want to run with the end in mind
Looking ahead at the final prize
I want to run and cross the line
Having fought for whats right.
The next song is my favourite it is also the song that was played on the radio, but I think its awesomely cute and romantic, hopeful.
Eyes For You
I'm looking for familar
Looking for a way back home
Got a feeling you'll be waiting
Guessing that I've seen it all
Seems I've been away forever
Trying to find where I belong
When the awnser has always been
Here in you arms
Because I only have eyes for you
Because I only have eyes for you
Now I'm staring at the ceiling
Trying to lose my tendancy
To forget about the promises
That you said to me
And in spite of all the times
It seemed I could be getting lost
You were less than a breath away
At the most
Because I only have eyes for you
Because I only have eyes for you
Because I only have eyes for you
for you
for you
Now I'm looking at familar
Looking at the way back home
Got a feeling you'll be waiting
Now I've seen it all.
Wouldn't those lyric's being said to you just be everything you want to hear from your partner?
Runaway
I'd run away with you tonight
I'd take a boat and sail
until we saw the light
But somehow I don't think we'll go
The tide has turned and theres so
much that we don't know
Tell me how can I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
and tell me why did we never go,
I swear I don't know you would never tell
I'd run away with you today
I'd steal a car and choose the longest highway
But somehow I don't think we'd last
Theres to much hurt and too much traffic in our path
Tell me how can I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
and tell me why did we never go,
I swear I don't know you would never tell
It used to be so right,
Like nothing could go wrong,
It used to feel so good, I never felt so strong
But now I fall apart a little every day
And you won't let me run away
Tell me how can I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
and tell me why did we never go,
I swear I don't know you would never tell
Tell me how can it be that I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
I'd run away with you tonight
we could up and leave before the morning light
But somehow I don't think we'll go
cause theres a new plan in my soul
I retract my statement about the previous song being my favourite, at the moment its this one because it seems to capture so much of my current emotion. With a few adjustments it could some up all of how I'm feeling. Like the traffic in our path to past*. Although it's 'Never Too late' and the final line new plan in my soul to our souls*. Then the song would be a pretty accurate soundtrack to my feelings at the moment. It's funny when i first heard this song all I could think about was packing up my car, getting food supplies and offering an escape, disappearing a certain person's family batch for a few days. Dreams are only dreams for a reason though. They only exsist in our own worlds; and rarely do they become reality.
I come up with elaboate poems full of vesus of how I feel and whats going on. How crazy everything is how my heart and my head can't agree and how the heart is constantly hurting. I'm not sure if I should bore the world with my awful poetry and rhymes.
Here are some lyric's that I cannot get out of my head, they're from Nathan Kings Album the crowd. Note these are only a few of the songs that are stuck in my head constantly at the moment.
Wake Up
This could be the night
I could say a few words and make things right
Tap into your sympathy?
I've heard it on the wind
like a hurricane lies near blowing in
And some of them were bound fo you
But I feel aright and I don't know why
Cause I'm sick inside of it all
If you wake up now you can save us all
And this whole bad dream will crumble and fall
Someone pinch me now cause its out of control
I've heard it all before
It's a good thing I don't take take it no more me
When a Billion people count on me
And I see it in your eyes
but with both hands tied how are you going to fight?
And is this how it's gonna be?
If you wake up now you can save us all
And this whole bad dream will crumble and fall
Someone pinch me now cause its out of control
Make it up to them and me
With the line in the sand
Your little chance that they're meant to see
But it I feel alright
and I don't know why
If you wake up now you can save us all
And this whole bad dream will crumble and fall
Someone pinch me now cause its out of control
Someone pinch me now,
Someone pinch me now,
Never Too Late
I'm caught in the middle now
When I should have gone around
You'd have thought I could read the signs
or put up some kind of fight
Now I can't go left or right
No I can't go left or right
I'm trapped in a shrinking room
Is it curtains for me soon?
When the doors locked I know you said;
Take the window out instead
But I struggle even then
But I know it's never too late at all.
Too late at all
Even when it gets too close to call,
It's never too late at all
I'm stuck in a leaking boat with this message that I wrote
Throw a bottle in the sea
maybe you'll come back to me
And this won't stay just a dream
No it won't stay just a dream
Cos I know its never too late at all.
too late at all
Even when it gets too close to call,
It's never too late at all
So help me, the waters raising
and I'm desperate to breathe
I thought I could hear you now
maybe I should have hung around
But my head got the best of me
Still I never could believe
It's too late now
Too late now
Even when it gets too close to call,
It's never too late at all
Not Enough
Here it is the hardest part
where you say 'no' and my tears start
How did this thing not leave the ground
If we weren't that high, why am I so far down
Now it's gone
Love in an instant is gone
Now its hard to believe for so long
That we just couldn't see what we'd done
So I'll hide my love fo you a mile underground
But it's not enough, you just dig it up
And how am I supposed to tunnel my way out
When it's not enough, but I can't give up
Run with me down endless streets
Untie these hands, unbind these feet
with all the symtoms of a fool
But with all the couage of one too
I'd never leave you now
This love was cut and dried
Now all I can do is try
To make you believe me
The Mystery
Your Love is a gallery, and I'm hung on the wall
Portaits of a symphony, and I'm one of the chords
Your love's an orginal, one of a kind
Unfolding in front of me, and I'm part of the design
Your love is a remedy, for all I feel inside
And I know who I'm supposed to be
but it's taking a while
I'm part of the mystery, kept off to oneside
Not making apoligies, for shining a light
Is it hard to believe in someone like me?
Is it hard to rely on what you can't see?
Is it hard to relate to what you're never known?
Is it hard to remain without letting go?
I want to stand where tha world can't hide
And look on the stage where we live and die
I want to see all the plans you used
And make sense of the path I choose
I want to run with the end in mind
Looking ahead at the final prize
I want to run and cross the line
Having fought for whats right.
The next song is my favourite it is also the song that was played on the radio, but I think its awesomely cute and romantic, hopeful.
Eyes For You
I'm looking for familar
Looking for a way back home
Got a feeling you'll be waiting
Guessing that I've seen it all
Seems I've been away forever
Trying to find where I belong
When the awnser has always been
Here in you arms
Because I only have eyes for you
Because I only have eyes for you
Now I'm staring at the ceiling
Trying to lose my tendancy
To forget about the promises
That you said to me
And in spite of all the times
It seemed I could be getting lost
You were less than a breath away
At the most
Because I only have eyes for you
Because I only have eyes for you
Because I only have eyes for you
for you
for you
Now I'm looking at familar
Looking at the way back home
Got a feeling you'll be waiting
Now I've seen it all.
Wouldn't those lyric's being said to you just be everything you want to hear from your partner?
Runaway
I'd run away with you tonight
I'd take a boat and sail
until we saw the light
But somehow I don't think we'll go
The tide has turned and theres so
much that we don't know
Tell me how can I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
and tell me why did we never go,
I swear I don't know you would never tell
I'd run away with you today
I'd steal a car and choose the longest highway
But somehow I don't think we'd last
Theres to much hurt and too much traffic in our path
Tell me how can I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
and tell me why did we never go,
I swear I don't know you would never tell
It used to be so right,
Like nothing could go wrong,
It used to feel so good, I never felt so strong
But now I fall apart a little every day
And you won't let me run away
Tell me how can I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
and tell me why did we never go,
I swear I don't know you would never tell
Tell me how can it be that I
Have fallen from this high
and managed to survive
I'd run away with you tonight
we could up and leave before the morning light
But somehow I don't think we'll go
cause theres a new plan in my soul
I retract my statement about the previous song being my favourite, at the moment its this one because it seems to capture so much of my current emotion. With a few adjustments it could some up all of how I'm feeling. Like the traffic in our path to past*. Although it's 'Never Too late' and the final line new plan in my soul to our souls*. Then the song would be a pretty accurate soundtrack to my feelings at the moment. It's funny when i first heard this song all I could think about was packing up my car, getting food supplies and offering an escape, disappearing a certain person's family batch for a few days. Dreams are only dreams for a reason though. They only exsist in our own worlds; and rarely do they become reality.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Didn't feel any guilt.
I have come to the conclusion that I am deluded. I have been living in a dream world for a long time now. Its taken me a while to realise, and I'm still not really coming to terms with it, but every things changed. It's time for me to admit that and stop living in a fantasy land, nothing happens the way you expect it to, and I can be as optimistic as I want, be prepared for the best when really I should prepare for the worst. Things will not happen as I want, hints will not be understood, crazy dreams of everything being fixed. The whole boy at the airport or flying around the world to talk to the girl he left and realised he loved, tween romance cliche. I must except the change, move on, grow up.
I used to be terrified of change, the truth was is I was to happy being safe. I didn't want to try new things, meet new people. I was Sam, a safe little boy, I thought safe was good, it was fine, boring. I hated being boring, but it was bare able because I was safe, as long as I was boring there was very little that could hurt me. I was safe in a very small world, my world is still small, and safe but I do strongly believe that this has to change. In my safe world I experienced little, few things that are worth repeating, no adventures. Safe is the old me, the scared me.
My life has been littered with incidences lately where I have planned to do something, something huge, and something has come and blocked my path. An example of this was when I was 100% sure about doing something that was completely new and terrified me, would have involved me doing something that could of potentially hurt some people or myself. He closed the door for a while, giving me time to reflect on it more before I try to do it. Its funny when I think about it. God has a sence of humour, he mixes things around, and forces you to choose new paths. One example is when that a few times in the last week i have gone to make one decision like yes this is what I will do, and immediately after I have committed myself something else arises. Its quite funny for me, he's getting me to do things I was to scared to do. Like next week I'm meeting with my pastor to talk about me taking sunday school for 8-10 year olds, which was something that I had wanted to do but had made lame excuses for not volinteerting. I guess you could call it a Jona situation.
Ever head the expression rules are made to be broken? I do not live by that phrase, its time I believe. I have my morals, I hope they wont break they're strong enough I hope. Today I recognise that my safe world its over, I must enter the real world.
Some rules are made to be broken some are to be bent. Life isn't fare and people get hurt, but its all the way the world works. It's time to become a more exciting person. I am going to be making some changes. No more living in my own world. If you want to help me escape, invite me to experience your world, I want to be more open, adventurous. Help me to expand my world.
I used to be terrified of change, the truth was is I was to happy being safe. I didn't want to try new things, meet new people. I was Sam, a safe little boy, I thought safe was good, it was fine, boring. I hated being boring, but it was bare able because I was safe, as long as I was boring there was very little that could hurt me. I was safe in a very small world, my world is still small, and safe but I do strongly believe that this has to change. In my safe world I experienced little, few things that are worth repeating, no adventures. Safe is the old me, the scared me.
My life has been littered with incidences lately where I have planned to do something, something huge, and something has come and blocked my path. An example of this was when I was 100% sure about doing something that was completely new and terrified me, would have involved me doing something that could of potentially hurt some people or myself. He closed the door for a while, giving me time to reflect on it more before I try to do it. Its funny when I think about it. God has a sence of humour, he mixes things around, and forces you to choose new paths. One example is when that a few times in the last week i have gone to make one decision like yes this is what I will do, and immediately after I have committed myself something else arises. Its quite funny for me, he's getting me to do things I was to scared to do. Like next week I'm meeting with my pastor to talk about me taking sunday school for 8-10 year olds, which was something that I had wanted to do but had made lame excuses for not volinteerting. I guess you could call it a Jona situation.
Ever head the expression rules are made to be broken? I do not live by that phrase, its time I believe. I have my morals, I hope they wont break they're strong enough I hope. Today I recognise that my safe world its over, I must enter the real world.
Some rules are made to be broken some are to be bent. Life isn't fare and people get hurt, but its all the way the world works. It's time to become a more exciting person. I am going to be making some changes. No more living in my own world. If you want to help me escape, invite me to experience your world, I want to be more open, adventurous. Help me to expand my world.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Enjoy the Silence.
ARGHHHH!!!! I dont know, School! Argh its soooo boring! I thought Yah! Friends in my classes. . . It seems everyone feels like me. . . And Just is meh! The people I thought would want to sit with me just plain dont. I dont know why! I dont know how long I can cope! Its all so boring!!! I'm finding subjects hard, like english, People using words to discribe things that I have never heard before!!! Its REDICULOUS!!! and why's it all about Love?!?!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Also, I dont feel very energised at the moment. I just feel so drained, all the time. It sucks, I eat food and that doesnt help. I do things and they dont help! Its like a drained, starving yet not hungry, tired, and bored sort of feeling. My stomuch feels like its knotted all the time, like something bads going to happen. I sometimes dont even want to get out of bed, I dont think i can deal with everything. . . It's to much. I dont feel like im close to anyone really. Well thats a lie, I kind of do. I dont feel like they have time for me anymore. That they want to have that time. Should I need them too?
School is sosososososo boring at the moment. . . Iv been back for two days and i just want to explode in some classes. Would it be pathetic to have a mental health day after only two days back?
I know I'm not physically ill or anything. Cause somethings make me happy, feel normal. Thats whats wrong. I dont feel normal. I dont really feel anything. . . Well I feel somethings. Im not sure if i should feel those things though. Not allowed to... Those feelings arent wanted. Im desperate for something to make everything seem better... What should I do?I dont want to be at home, but I dont know who will do anything with me? If they'll want to! Home's boring. . . All there is MYYEARBOOK, FACEBOOK, BEBO, and MSN. Theres nothing really exciting. Theres they drums but I never feel motivated to go practise or play. They're just something else to do. . . They dont enthrill or inspire. . . I have books to read, sure they're interesting. Mainly I read them cause the people who lent me them want them back. They're not bad books or anything. They're great books! They're just very heavy. . . Involve alot of thought, effort. Thinking, and processing Idea's. I Like them I truely do though. . . What ever happened to happy endings though? And Why are they always at the end? Why cant something good happen at the start of one of the books?
I have goals. I have aims. Im not sure what the motives of them are. Is it for myself? Is it for someone else? Is it to impress someone? Im not sure.
Man I hate cats!!! Why cant they just leave me alone!?!?! AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Green Eggs and Ham.
Well I'm back, from rainy, dull Invercargill, back from the wedding! Im back in chch where i belong with my friends, the ones I Love. I missed everybody so much!
Argh Weddings are not a fun place to be when your missing someone dear to your heart, especially when you dont know how they feel. It can be stressful. To add to that try sharing a room with my brother! and sitting next to him in the back seat of the car everyday for 5 days and have him try everything to annoy you!
I couldnt sleep most nights, my head was a mess, everything going around, and around, wondering why its the way it is. What to do now, whats the plan Sam? I keep asking myself! Whats is the plan! Is it sink or swim? run or fly? Things have got to change, I know that. I have to change things about myself. Accept that things have changed. It cant go back to the way it was before, nothing can go back to exactly the way it was. It could go back and be better. I want it to all be better. I want to try and put effort in to be better, a better person, a better friend, a better christian. I want to try harder, no i will try harder. Maybe one day, One day I'l get the dream girl.
For now, I'm Sam, thats who I am. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham.
Argh Weddings are not a fun place to be when your missing someone dear to your heart, especially when you dont know how they feel. It can be stressful. To add to that try sharing a room with my brother! and sitting next to him in the back seat of the car everyday for 5 days and have him try everything to annoy you!
I couldnt sleep most nights, my head was a mess, everything going around, and around, wondering why its the way it is. What to do now, whats the plan Sam? I keep asking myself! Whats is the plan! Is it sink or swim? run or fly? Things have got to change, I know that. I have to change things about myself. Accept that things have changed. It cant go back to the way it was before, nothing can go back to exactly the way it was. It could go back and be better. I want it to all be better. I want to try and put effort in to be better, a better person, a better friend, a better christian. I want to try harder, no i will try harder. Maybe one day, One day I'l get the dream girl.
For now, I'm Sam, thats who I am. I do not like Green Eggs and Ham.
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