Didn't feel any guilt.

I have come to the conclusion that I am deluded. I have been living in a dream world for a long time now. Its taken me a while to realise, and I'm still not really coming to terms with it, but every things changed. It's time for me to admit that and stop living in a fantasy land, nothing happens the way you expect it to, and I can be as optimistic as I want, be prepared for the best when really I should prepare for the worst. Things will not happen as I want, hints will not be understood, crazy dreams of everything being fixed. The whole boy at the airport or flying around the world to talk to the girl he left and realised he loved, tween romance cliche. I must except the change, move on, grow up.

I used to be terrified of change, the truth was is I was to happy being safe. I didn't want to try new things, meet new people. I was Sam, a safe little boy, I thought safe was good, it was fine, boring. I hated being boring, but it was bare able because I was safe, as long as I was boring there was very little that could hurt me. I was safe in a very small world, my world is still small, and safe but I do strongly believe that this has to change. In my safe world I experienced little, few things that are worth repeating, no adventures. Safe is the old me, the scared me.

My life has been littered with incidences lately where I have planned to do something, something huge, and something has come and blocked my path. An example of this was when I was 100% sure about doing something that was completely new and terrified me, would have involved me doing something that could of potentially hurt some people or myself. He closed the door for a while, giving me time to reflect on it more before I try to do it. Its funny when I think about it. God has a sence of humour, he mixes things around, and forces you to choose new paths. One example is when that a few times in the last week i have gone to make one decision like yes this is what I will do, and immediately after I have committed myself something else arises. Its quite funny for me, he's getting me to do things I was to scared to do. Like next week I'm meeting with my pastor to talk about me taking sunday school for 8-10 year olds, which was something that I had wanted to do but had made lame excuses for not volinteerting. I guess you could call it a Jona situation.

Ever head the expression rules are made to be broken? I do not live by that phrase, its time I believe. I have my morals, I hope they wont break they're strong enough I hope. Today I recognise that my safe world its over, I must enter the real world.

Some rules are made to be broken some are to be bent. Life isn't fare and people get hurt, but its all the way the world works. It's time to become a more exciting person. I am going to be making some changes. No more living in my own world. If you want to help me escape, invite me to experience your world, I want to be more open, adventurous. Help me to expand my world.