Chaos

I have a new theory, on life the universe. Everything. It is that we, us humans enjoy chaos. Secretly we love it when life gives us chaos, gives us the unexpected the horrible, the amazing, the joy, the pain and hurt. We love the happening the adventure that the chaos brings. When there is no chaos in our lives we bring it our selves! We create it through alcohol lubrication acts of stupidness, or saying what we know is the wrong thing to the wrong person because it gives us kicks, the head spin we're looking for the stomach lurch we long for the adventure we crave.

I for one, could sit down and just do things, but no I prefer the chaos, I would rather not do useful things but play ours of video games, not study but spend time talking to friends that most probably won't be around once this chapter in our lives ends. When the chaos of life pulls us apart. Think of all that could be achieved if we did away with procrastination and just did, didn't think or ponder or daydream just did. We did what we wanted to do, what we really wanted to do, chase our goals properly with all our bones. Some people do, but I don't. Its the chaos, we love the chaos, we love the mystery of it all.

I sit here now wondering why, why is there this chaos, why can't I just live without this chaos. A large amount of its in my head, I know I imagine insanities, worlds where this happens or that happens because these decisions were made at this point in time. Parallel dimensions, its such a waste of time because there is only this world, this life.

To be honest I'm not sure if this makes sense, its simply a 2.30am rant. Happy adventures world!

Everyday

Everyday I make up my mind to do certain things and they never happen.
I regularly, daily even make up my mind to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. That rarely happens.
I make up my mind to go for a run, nope that never happens either. I make up my mind to start doing at least one set of sit ups and push ups. Nope no way does that happen.
I make up my mind to do my homework, to study for the exam. Well this doesn't happen at all, and then in the exam I'm sitting there dying and feeling miserable because I know I had the time to learn the content. How I'm to lazy, I should be add up to more than this.
I make up my mind to do something about the misery and loneliness, this I decide can weight, or at least be postponed by worrying about all the other things I should be doing, well could be doing. Of course I'll probably just procrastinate. Waste my time, and continue to waste my life.
I know the solution to everything, It is get the hell of my ass and do something. It doesn't happen. Another day passes and nothing extraordinary happens. No memories are made, not lasting ones anyway. I'm to comfortable in this self inflicted misery. I used to wish for a natural disaster to make everything more exciting. It worked for a while, but I don't know if I will be lucky enough for another one to distract me. Perhaps a smaller scale disaster?
Perhaps not.
On Friday at the movies when I was watching Tomorrow When the War began I was thinking the whole time WOW. What an adventure. Not OMG there family, pets, friends, country has been taken over, they must be terrified. No I thought, that would be such an adventure. A perfect distraction from everything else. . .

Get used to your own Company.

A while ago I wrote a blog, about a quote I heard from a famous doctor. I said how it was sad that such a quote was said. The quote went something like "Get used to your own company, your going to spend alot of time with yourself." although don't quote me on that. At the time I thought it was one of the most depressing statements I'd ever heard. I couldn't believe that the doctor that wrote it also wrote one of my favourite childhood books about breakfast foods and eating on the move.Dr Seuss I though how could you have let me down like that?
Well over the last however long since that post I've been alone alot. I've been thinking about that statement. Not directly but under different headings. Like what should I do then? Why did I do that? My favourite is WTF did you say that you must've looked like a retard. All this has been while I've been alone which is a fair bit. My house is a little in the wop wops, so I have a minimum of half an hour driving a day where I'm alone, most days I have something else on so the driving times even longer. Or sitting in my room with my music going, pretending/avoiding doing homework and wasting my life away. I even started another campaign on Rome Total War. I only seem to do that when I'm really bored. It's depressing because you can never actually conquer everything, not with out more patience than I can muster. However back to the point.
You need to get used to your own company, I seem to have a mixed relationship with myself. You know how theres those things you like about yourself or the few things that boost your confidence, then theres things you don't like or sensitive about. One of those things was last week in the library a girl told me her friend liked me. I was shocked at the time, and because they were yr 7 it weirded me out a bit. However it was nice to be thought of even if that one girl was trying to embarrass her friend that I was good looking enough? to make the 12yr old blush.
As I said earlier the reflections on actions like why I did that, why'd you say that? Or you could do that. Are these the normal conversations one has in there head when there alone? Do people even have conversations in there head? cause then that'd imply two parties? Am I nuts? Or am i just getting used to my own company and forming my own quirky type relationship with me?
Ultimately am I used to being by myself? That's probably the worst thing for me about driving, all that freedom to go where I want. You just have to drive there, and theres no one to go with but me myself an I. Sometimes I cant stand me, or I, definitely not myself he's a bit of a douche.

Another one of these awful things! I was bored.

► Name: Sam
► Age: 17, 11months, 5days
► Will you answer all questions truthfully: yes
► Are you single: yes
► Are you happy: Not really
► Are you bored: I'm doing this
► Are you sad: sad? Not particually, sometimes, sometimes I'm happy. I'm mainly kind of flat
► Are you Italian: no
► Are you German: no My Oma's from Germany
► Are you Asian: no
► Are you angry: Probably holding on to some anger I shouldn't be. Angry I couldn't find something that I wanted so badly to smash! GRRRrRRRRrrr
► Are you Irish: no
► Are your parents still married: Yes

TEN FACTS:
► Birth Place: Dunedin NZ
► Hair Colour: Mouse
► Eye color: blue
► Birthday: August 22nd
► Mood: Tired
► Gender: male
► Lefty or Righty: Right
► Summer or Winter: A little bit of both, I don't think I could cope with only one to be honest. I enjoy the rain, I enjoy the sun, I enjoy the snow, I enjoy the beach!
► Morning or Afternoon: Afternoon?

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
► Are you in love: . . .
► Do you believe in love at first sight: you have to believe in love fo that.
► Who ended your last relationship: she did
► Have you ever been hurt: yes
► Have you ever broken someone’s heart: I don't think so, no ones ever told me that I have,
► Are you friends with your ex: :/
► Are you afraid of commitment: No
► Have you hugged someone within the last week: I've been hugged, Last hug was probably over a week ago.
► Have you ever had a secret admirer: wouldn't the fact that knowing about them make them a known admirer and not a secret anymore?
► Have you ever broken your own heart?: This question confuses me. Is this like wanting a soft toy really bad and going to the shop to buy it and its gone and your completely crushed? Cause when I was little there was a Pikachu I wanted really bad. . .

TEN THIS OR THAT


► Love or Lust: Love
► Lemonade or Iced tea: Iced tea
► Cats or Dogs: Depends on the mood, Both?
► A few best friends or many regular friends: Few
► Television or Internet: Internet
► Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
► Wild night out or romantic night in: Romantic Night
► Pink or Purple: Hard one.
► Day or Night: Day
► IM or Phone: phone

TEN HAVE YOU EVER

► Been caught sneaking out: Nope.
► Fallen off the stairs: Yep
► White water rafted: Not in proper white water! :P
► Finished an entire jawbreaker: No, the end up getting thrown out or the dog gets to them.
► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt?: hurt?
► Prank called a store: No
► Skipped School: Yes
► Wanted to disappear: Like go "Poof" and no more? I have been wanting one of those cracks from Doctor Who to open up in my wall so I can go through it.

TEN PREFERENCES
► Smile or Eyes: Both
► Light or Dark Hair: Dark
► Fat or Skinny: Normal
► Shorter or Taller: Same height or slightly shorter
► Intelligence or Attraction: Both
► Jock or Nerd: Again with the extremes!
► Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship
► Funny and poor OR Rich and serious: Money can't buy happiness.

TEN LASTS


► Last phone call you received: my Mum
► Last person you hung out with: Jacob
► Last person you hugged: Matt
► Last person you IM'ed: No idea, oh a friend whos been taken over by a bot!
► Last thing you ate: Cookie
► Last thing you drank: Milk
► Last site you went to: Dailybooth
► Last place you were: Bedroom

RELATIONSHIPS

► Are you in a committed relationship: No
► Do you want to be: Not right now
► Have you ever loved a guy/girl more than anything else in the world? Yes, I won't make that mistake again.
► Do you still love them: Yes, but not in the same way.
► Do you like someone right now: Not particually. Made a fool of myself when I thought I might've, when really I knew I didn't.

FAMILY


► Do you and your family get along: Mostly, we're a family afterall
► Would you say you have a "messed up life": I seem to enjoy making it seem messy when it's not really. Don't want to miss out on drama's!
► Have you ever run away from home: Theres been times in the past when I went and stayed the nights at a persons house. Mainly to be with them, and partly to get away from home.
► Have you ever got kicked out: nope

FRIENDS
► Do you secretly hate one of your friends: Theres friends, and theres friends. The difference is very few are friends, and others are people you know that you'd call a friend if asked but really your not that close. But no I don't hate any of them, might hate somethings they've said or done.
► Do you consider all of your friends good friends: Nope.
► Would you die for them: I don't think so.
► Who knows everything about you: No one

5 places you would like to live in
►1) Christchurch
►2) Brisbane
►3) London
►4) Paris
►5) An Island

The Meat Processing Plant

Last night I had a very odd dream.

Thomas and I had just got jobs at this meat processing plant. Not something anyone that knew us would expect us to do, Thomas wants to study to be an accountant and I want to be a doctor. Anyhow on our first day at this factory, we saw some of the fellow workers attacking someone, we both rushed over to help this person who turned out to be a young Asian women, who due to he uniform also worked at the plant. They had her on the ground and stomping on her, and talking about raping her. The two of us tried to stop them. We grabbed big metal poles and managed to bet them off of this women. We told them "What they were doing was despicable and that we would talk to someone about this as they obviously weren't fit for society."
To which the replied "We'll get you. Get you bad."
We helped the young women up and got to a first aid kit and started cleaning her up. When there was more commotion outside, sounded like the same guys were at it again.
I got there first told Thomas to look after the girl. This time it was the same guys, and some of there friends at it with another girl. They men looked towards this one man who stood a head above the rest, skinnily built. Holding a large hunting knife. He had a large scar around his throat. The men looked at me and said that's him boss. He smiled widely, creepily.
"Welcome to my factory!", he roared.
The men, his men all chuckled and laughed like he had just said the most hysterical thing they had ever heard. They were obviously cracked in the head.
As calmly as I could I asked him what he was doing to that women. He smiled at me chuckled, and informed me that "This women does not exists."
I told him "she obviously does." He said it's time for you to leave. I told him I couldn't do that not until his men stopped attacking the women and I managed to get her to a hospital.
That was the last thing I remembered, I awoke on the floor with a thumbing headache someone had snuck up behind me and smashed me in the head with a pipe. I was in the mincing room they had dragged me there. Thomas was tied up next to me and the two Asian girls were there. Looking very much worse for where, not really in any state to move, or to struggle, looking very much violated. The men were all cheery and laughing, seeing that I was awake one of them sneered at me, "This is what we do at our factory."
Dazed and horrified I watched them pick up the two women and drop them into the mincer. They then started towards me, chuckling. The man with the scar then leaned over into my face, I could smell his unbrushed teeth and the vodka. I could see the flakes from a pastry he must have eaten recently. It smelt like mince. I needed to throw up. He grabbed me by the collar and pulled me up into his face.
"You see this is what happens in my factory, and its what will happen to you if you try to stop me, but only after everyone you love."
Ungracefully he dropped to the floor and reached into my jacket and took my wallet. Emptying it of the cash, and pulling out a picture, one that I had no idea I had. From long ago. He looked at it, the cruel grin returned to his face and he leaned in close again.
"Starting with her."
With that him and his men left, chuckling and smashing bottles. I even heard them chanting, and cheering.Then I past out.
Hours later I woke, my head was killing me, and I was bruised all over. Weakly I got up, I found a stick to use as a crutch my ankle was swollen, I think it had meet with a pipe during the beating before. Thomas was still out cold. I limped to get help, I got to a phone call and rung an ambulance for him. Across the road from the factory I saw a police truck, pushing 20 or 30 people all of them female and all of them Asian. This was too much of a coincidence. I limped over to talk to the police.
"They're all illegal immigrants," said then first cop as he saw me crossing the street. "Whoa what happened to you?"
At this point my ankle gave out, I collapsed into the gutter, blackness fulled my vision. When I woke up I was in the hospital. A nurse was in the room, checking the IV lines attached to my arm.
"Ah you're awake the doctor wants to talk to you, and so do the police." she said nodding to the hallway.
"What? why?" everything was still foggy I went to scratch my head. It was then I realised I was handcuffed.
The police officer came in, I told him everything I could remember, the last part was a bit foggy.
"Do you have any id?" so we can call you relatives or something.
It was then I remembered my wallet, and my picture.
"I need to go right now" I said rising from the bed.
"No you can't leave"
"Why can't I?"
"Look at you wrist for starters" said the cop. I remembered the handcuffs, nice to see the police have a sense of humor.
"I have to go this thing is getting allot more complicated quickly, your story seems to match with what the women we picked up today. I think we can safely take those off though" He reached down unlocked the cuffs picked up his hat and left hurriedly.
I knew I had to leave now, by now the scarred man would know I'd been with the police. The girl in the photo, wasn't safe. I watched the policeman get into the elevator. I jumped out of bed, there were crutches leaned up against the wall. I grabbed them. Quickly I left the hospital, I flagged down a cab. The driver didn't need to know I wasn't planning on paying him yet.
When we got to the plant, it had changed, there were men everywhere it was swarm. These men had guns, the man with the scar had made himself an army. Across the entrance way to the plant there was a message for me. In the photo in my wallet she'd been wearing a black t-shirt, with a cartoon character on it. That t-shirt was now hungover the sign.
"Stop!" I yelled at the cab driver. I leapt out of the taxi, I knew there was a uniform in the gate house, I'd seen it that morning. Quickly I found it and put it on.
Silently I snuck into the factory.
Suddenly there was someone infront of me. He was smoking, lent up against the wall. A gun was next to him. This was what I needed. There was an axe on the wall. I picked it up. . . Slowly i stepped forward. I raised the axe up, hesitated. Then brought the handle down on the mans head. He collapsed. There was a cupboard across the hallway. I opened it up and placed him inside. Hoping he was going to be knocked out for long enough.
I picked up his gun. and continued through the factory. I was on the main factory floor. There up in the control room I could see her, she looked scared. She looked untouched, apart from a bruise on her cheek. She was strung up on a set of bars. Placed there to be obvious to everyone. There he was as well, chewing on a piece of jerky, with a pistol in his hand. Next to him on the table there was a bottle of Vodka. He wasn't alone there were another couple of men, some I recognised. One had a bandage over his head. He must have been one of the men from my earlier meetings. I made mental note to avoid him.
Suddenly there was a crash, the men in the control room looked at the scared man. He shrugged. It was obvious they all knew what to do, they ran off. The scarred man lit a cigarette and took a swing from his bottle. Said something to the girl from the photograph, and gave one of his laughs. He was clearly insane.
I could hear dogs, the police? If they were here was she safe?
Quickly I headed to the control room. I had to pause for what seemed like forever as the man with the bandage talked to some more men. He must have been some sort of lieutenant.
I managed to get up to the control room. Just as I was at the door I heard gunfire. The scarred man jumped. He pointed his pistol at her. Smiled his evil grin.
"Don't worry," he giggled, "You wont be a pie sweet heart." He fell to his knees in hysterics.
I opened the door quietly while he was having his laughing fit. It shut with a click. He froze. The girl from the photograph was tied up with her back to me. All I could see was her brown hair cover her shoulders which were shifting a terrified sob. I ducked behind a desk. I heard a sob.
"Shut up!" growled the man. I heard a smack and a loud cry.
I heard the floorboard creak. He was coming towards me. I got under the desk and held my breath. He was right next to me now. I could see his boots, they were black and covered in dried blood, and matted hair. He stepped towards the door, looked out of it down the hallway to the left, and then to the right. He took one last swig and emptied the bottle. Dropped the bottle, the glass shattered everywhere. He stumbled down the walkway back to the front of the control room. I got up, this was my chance. I hit him with the butt of the gun. He stumbled again. Dropping his gun. It went off. There was the sudden sound of gunfire raining outside of the room, it sounded distant. It was a illusion created by the rooms soundproofing, the gun fight was happening close.
The scarred man was on the floor, he was beginning to get up. Laughing,
"It's you. I didn't expect you too be here."
"I wasn't planning on it, until I saw the t-shirt. Well not coming so quickly. You forced my hand"
He laughed. "You forced mine first! This is my factory!" He roared as he lunged at me. I backed up. I pointed the gun at him.
He rushed at me, I shot him, in the leg. He looked at me, surprised.
"I didn't think you'd have the guts."
I raised the gun and smacked him in the side of the head with the handle knocking him to the floor.
I ran to the girl from the photograph. She was safe now. I untied her and she collapsed onto me. At that very moment the policeman from the hospital burst through the door, with a large German Sheppard and half a dozen armed defenders on his heels. They leapt on the scarred man and carried him away.
Everyone will be safe now, I'd saved her. No more of that evil factory.