Everyday I make up my mind to do certain things and they never happen.
I regularly, daily even make up my mind to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. That rarely happens.
I make up my mind to go for a run, nope that never happens either. I make up my mind to start doing at least one set of sit ups and push ups. Nope no way does that happen.
I make up my mind to do my homework, to study for the exam. Well this doesn't happen at all, and then in the exam I'm sitting there dying and feeling miserable because I know I had the time to learn the content. How I'm to lazy, I should be add up to more than this.
I make up my mind to do something about the misery and loneliness, this I decide can weight, or at least be postponed by worrying about all the other things I should be doing, well could be doing. Of course I'll probably just procrastinate. Waste my time, and continue to waste my life.
I know the solution to everything, It is get the hell of my ass and do something. It doesn't happen. Another day passes and nothing extraordinary happens. No memories are made, not lasting ones anyway. I'm to comfortable in this self inflicted misery. I used to wish for a natural disaster to make everything more exciting. It worked for a while, but I don't know if I will be lucky enough for another one to distract me. Perhaps a smaller scale disaster?
Perhaps not.
On Friday at the movies when I was watching Tomorrow When the War began I was thinking the whole time WOW. What an adventure. Not OMG there family, pets, friends, country has been taken over, they must be terrified. No I thought, that would be such an adventure. A perfect distraction from everything else. . .
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Fed up of it all, YOU ALL.
Disclaimer: This post may contain languages that may offend some people. My advice is either 1) Don't bother reading it, or 2) Get over yourselves.
I'm so sick of everything, school, home, work, EVERYTHING!
I've realised something, well not realised its something I've always suspected. People are selfish. Atleast teenagers are. We think we're invincible, incredibly hypocritical, we think the world revolves around us and we think that everything is directed at us. I think the sooner everyone learns to get over themselves everything will be a lot happier. That or bloody hell I'm getting out of here as soon as I can.
Today I sent away applications for hotels next year in Dunedin, its terrifying to think I'll be away from my family, I know I'll miss my mum and her odd lectures and strange advice, or my dad with his random exciting story or events that he has to tell you 5 times! I'm pretty sure I'll even miss my brother with the I don't give a crap about school I'm a rock star attitude. I know it'll be an adventure, I don't mean it in the dads trying to make something sound better than it i kinda way. I mean it in a Famous Five kind of way.
I can't wait to escape school all these stupid selfish self obsessed people I have to live with most days. Its exhausting. Only a few more weeks, of that place. I will miss the place, I've been there over 13years now. Some of the people I'll miss, not being able to see some people as often. Others I'll be glad for the break. I think your like my Oma. She's a wonderful kind old lady, just EXTREMELY ANNOYING if you spend to much time with her, you'll get her life story. Days of smiling and nodding have tortured me in the past, she follows you if you start listening.
Don't get me wrong I Love my Oma, she's an awesome person. In controlled doses. I think this seems to be happening at school at the moment. Its kinda like cabin fevers going on. Those people you can only enjoy for so long are continually being thrown at you and every ones cracking.
I'm so sick of everything, school, home, work, EVERYTHING!
I've realised something, well not realised its something I've always suspected. People are selfish. Atleast teenagers are. We think we're invincible, incredibly hypocritical, we think the world revolves around us and we think that everything is directed at us. I think the sooner everyone learns to get over themselves everything will be a lot happier. That or bloody hell I'm getting out of here as soon as I can.
Today I sent away applications for hotels next year in Dunedin, its terrifying to think I'll be away from my family, I know I'll miss my mum and her odd lectures and strange advice, or my dad with his random exciting story or events that he has to tell you 5 times! I'm pretty sure I'll even miss my brother with the I don't give a crap about school I'm a rock star attitude. I know it'll be an adventure, I don't mean it in the dads trying to make something sound better than it i kinda way. I mean it in a Famous Five kind of way.
I can't wait to escape school all these stupid selfish self obsessed people I have to live with most days. Its exhausting. Only a few more weeks, of that place. I will miss the place, I've been there over 13years now. Some of the people I'll miss, not being able to see some people as often. Others I'll be glad for the break. I think your like my Oma. She's a wonderful kind old lady, just EXTREMELY ANNOYING if you spend to much time with her, you'll get her life story. Days of smiling and nodding have tortured me in the past, she follows you if you start listening.
Don't get me wrong I Love my Oma, she's an awesome person. In controlled doses. I think this seems to be happening at school at the moment. Its kinda like cabin fevers going on. Those people you can only enjoy for so long are continually being thrown at you and every ones cracking.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Theme Thursday - Reason
Reason.So much of life happens without reason. Like an earthquake happened in my city 7.1 and nobody dies. The a slightly smaller sized quake happens in Haiti over 230,000 people die. Ok so there are a few obvious reasons, our quake happened at 4.35 am a time were most people are asleep. Lucky for some people that it didn't happen a few hours earlier then it would have been natural selection being a Friday night/ early Saturday. NZ building standards mean buildings have to be built to withstand at least an massive 8.5 quake! Haiti with so much corruption and the like no building standards were being enforced in most places.
Still what was the reason for these too events and why did they happen when they did were they did? I guess only God knows why, although I'm sure there are scientist that will happily debate the reasons why these displays of Gods power occurred.
My room after the 2010 CanterburyquakeBeen busy this week, quake shook things up and I forgot to check theme thurday until 1/4 12 on thursday! Usually I'm a bit more orgainised and have my blog ready to post on the wednesday! :/
Saturday, September 4, 2010
7.1
At 0435 on Saturday morning everyone in my house, and almost everyone of our neighbours for perhaps 60-80km's were all rudely awaken by our planet. The cause of our startlement was of course the Canterbury Quake which measured 7.1 on the Richter scale.
Half awake I woke up and heard my mum yell "It's an earthquake get in a doorframe". Still half awake I peaked out from under my covers to see everything on my shelves leaping towards me and hearing things falling of desks and cabinets in every direction. This is crazy I said to myself as I pulled my duvet over my head, to which the earths reaction was "NO, your getting up now!" and the intensity of the shaking increased. Leaping out of bed I stumbled out of my bed to my doorway where I stayed until the shakes were dying down and my mum yelled get outside!
With adrenaline pumping through my body I bounded down the stairs with them still shaking to where my dad was and he quickly thrust a jacket into my hands and told me to get outside. We ran just in time before the next quake hit. Standing there with my parents and my brother we heard the earth grinding somewhere of in the distance and heard the rattling of our house.
Terrified to go back in we stayed outside, luckily for us we're one of those families with more cars than garage room for so we huddled into the back of my dads truck and listened to the radio to find out what was going on. Here we stayed for an hour an a half before we were sure there weren't going to be any more big shakes. It's sunday night now and there have been lots of smaller aftershocks. It's gotten to the point were we trust our new houses structural integrity so much that we just pause for the duration of the quake and think to our selves ok in a few seconds I might dive for the door frame or under that table, but before those seconds are up it's all over and we continue with what we're doing.
We were quite lucky my house is only about 5yrs old and building restrictions in NZ mean that it has to be built to survive atleast a 8.5 earthquake. The worst thing for us was the power cut which meant no running water and facebook!
Thankfully theres were no deaths in the city where older buildings have collapsed. A few historic buildings have been written off which is sad. School is cancelled for two days which is both cool and annoying as I was wanting to use my teachers for revision for exams in a few days! Argh!!!
It was quite fun though sitting in the sun on Saturday with my family eating food from a freezer and discussing what we should do if our power doesn't come back. It's been an exciting week, even if it provided me with enough excitement to nuglect my study for prelim exams!
Half awake I woke up and heard my mum yell "It's an earthquake get in a doorframe". Still half awake I peaked out from under my covers to see everything on my shelves leaping towards me and hearing things falling of desks and cabinets in every direction. This is crazy I said to myself as I pulled my duvet over my head, to which the earths reaction was "NO, your getting up now!" and the intensity of the shaking increased. Leaping out of bed I stumbled out of my bed to my doorway where I stayed until the shakes were dying down and my mum yelled get outside!
With adrenaline pumping through my body I bounded down the stairs with them still shaking to where my dad was and he quickly thrust a jacket into my hands and told me to get outside. We ran just in time before the next quake hit. Standing there with my parents and my brother we heard the earth grinding somewhere of in the distance and heard the rattling of our house.
Terrified to go back in we stayed outside, luckily for us we're one of those families with more cars than garage room for so we huddled into the back of my dads truck and listened to the radio to find out what was going on. Here we stayed for an hour an a half before we were sure there weren't going to be any more big shakes. It's sunday night now and there have been lots of smaller aftershocks. It's gotten to the point were we trust our new houses structural integrity so much that we just pause for the duration of the quake and think to our selves ok in a few seconds I might dive for the door frame or under that table, but before those seconds are up it's all over and we continue with what we're doing.
We were quite lucky my house is only about 5yrs old and building restrictions in NZ mean that it has to be built to survive atleast a 8.5 earthquake. The worst thing for us was the power cut which meant no running water and facebook!
Thankfully theres were no deaths in the city where older buildings have collapsed. A few historic buildings have been written off which is sad. School is cancelled for two days which is both cool and annoying as I was wanting to use my teachers for revision for exams in a few days! Argh!!!
It was quite fun though sitting in the sun on Saturday with my family eating food from a freezer and discussing what we should do if our power doesn't come back. It's been an exciting week, even if it provided me with enough excitement to nuglect my study for prelim exams!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
5 things I could have said.
At the moment I'm reading High Fidelity, I love that book, each time I read it I pick up something new. The characters, especially the main one are all so real. They're confused, unsure what they want and miserable. Recently I've been wanting to meet Rob, ask him some questions, and even though I know the advice he'd give me probably wouldn't be that great at least he could sell me some good music.
One of my favourite bits in the book is the part when Rob gets a phone call from Ray. The guy that his then ex-girlfriend Laura moved in with when she left him. The book then goes through the entire phone call and then thiers a list of other things he could have said, ranging from hanging up, to completely abusing the hell outta Ray, with the conclusion any of these things would have been a better alternative than what he actually said. Its so realistic though. I mean when we say something to someone, or that someone over hears then we rethink it. These situations happened to me twice in the weekend.
One was a phone call. I got it and was nice and kind and the person was nice and kind and it all confused the hell out of me. It got me worried and worked up about something, someone I really shouldn't care that much about. Not because I don't want to so much as they don't want me too. To be honest the way I handled that call ruined my weekend and I spent most of Sunday debating in my head how I should have handled it.
I then spent the whole day regretting not doing option 5, or, 1, or 2, mostly 4 though, well regretting not going with option four and watching out to see if you did come, if you did remember my invitation and that you did care about me and it wasn't just because you were drunk. I was severely disappointed. Then I asked you about it and it was almost at bad as having to listen to you not do any work in statistic's class and talk about him.
Fuck you.
Before anyone says's anything to me about this all. It's my blog I can post what ever I want. Maybe I'm still this way because I am just a Patsy for your love?
Ok the other situation was a little less dramatic more of a quick speech thing, when I responded to something someone said with the wrong words. It was about someone missing a penalty in golden goal extra time. I said that'd make you want to commit suicide. I mean what the hell was I on? What I meant it that'd make you just want to disappear, you'd feel miserable. A person next to me over heard and commented on what a dumb thing I said. Someone nice who'd make a good friend, and I couldn't look at them for the next while cause I felt so stupid. Spent all of Sunday evening regretting not thinking about what I said. . . Almost tempted me to jump into the wine at my Nana's birthday dinner. However after the 5am experience I think alcohol is best to be avoided for everyone in every situation. Unless you in an emergency situation and you need to do something painful to someone and thiers no pain killers. . . Maybe then alcohol could be helpful.
One of my favourite bits in the book is the part when Rob gets a phone call from Ray. The guy that his then ex-girlfriend Laura moved in with when she left him. The book then goes through the entire phone call and then thiers a list of other things he could have said, ranging from hanging up, to completely abusing the hell outta Ray, with the conclusion any of these things would have been a better alternative than what he actually said. Its so realistic though. I mean when we say something to someone, or that someone over hears then we rethink it. These situations happened to me twice in the weekend.
One was a phone call. I got it and was nice and kind and the person was nice and kind and it all confused the hell out of me. It got me worried and worked up about something, someone I really shouldn't care that much about. Not because I don't want to so much as they don't want me too. To be honest the way I handled that call ruined my weekend and I spent most of Sunday debating in my head how I should have handled it.
- Fuck off it's 5 am.
- Piss of you stupid drunken idiot, I hate you and all you've done leave me alone.
- Are you alright? Do you need me to come around? What happened etc. . . .
- I hate you, your a whore, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you've done, I know its not all your fault but you didn't have to be such a slut about it. I thought I might have meant more, blah blah blah. (Ok this response would've probably brought out drunken tears, and for some reason this doesn't bother me as much as It probably should.)
- Ignored the whole situation.
I then spent the whole day regretting not doing option 5, or, 1, or 2, mostly 4 though, well regretting not going with option four and watching out to see if you did come, if you did remember my invitation and that you did care about me and it wasn't just because you were drunk. I was severely disappointed. Then I asked you about it and it was almost at bad as having to listen to you not do any work in statistic's class and talk about him.
Fuck you.
Before anyone says's anything to me about this all. It's my blog I can post what ever I want. Maybe I'm still this way because I am just a Patsy for your love?
Ok the other situation was a little less dramatic more of a quick speech thing, when I responded to something someone said with the wrong words. It was about someone missing a penalty in golden goal extra time. I said that'd make you want to commit suicide. I mean what the hell was I on? What I meant it that'd make you just want to disappear, you'd feel miserable. A person next to me over heard and commented on what a dumb thing I said. Someone nice who'd make a good friend, and I couldn't look at them for the next while cause I felt so stupid. Spent all of Sunday evening regretting not thinking about what I said. . . Almost tempted me to jump into the wine at my Nana's birthday dinner. However after the 5am experience I think alcohol is best to be avoided for everyone in every situation. Unless you in an emergency situation and you need to do something painful to someone and thiers no pain killers. . . Maybe then alcohol could be helpful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)