It Hurts

It hurts.

Christmas dinner?!

Hello there peoples, and persons!

Well today was apparently christmas dinner. Its weird cause its not even december yet. But we still had a christmas dinner. With all the cousins that like in chch and Nana. It was mildly not boring. It meant i had to get up by like 12 though. When my cousins started to arrive!

We played Halo2 and ate food. That was that not at all entirely exciting at all! But what is? Everythings just painful and slow, and boring.

Well this was a pointlessly stupid entry. . .

Yes quite.

No more exams!

I feel so exhusted. I suppose bing up at 11pm doesnt help me much though. I feel so tired after exam's.
Lol now continueing writing this entry at 12pm :P

Well life, is as it is! Exam's are over, school is over! Im trying to be busy. but old habits are kicking in, making sorta plans then my brain kinda panic's and i try and weasel my way out of them. Maybe i am a weasel? I dont want to be a weasel, they're ugly. And evil like the ones in Redwall! Great books btw just dont match with each other which annoys me!

Well im gonna go night nights now. . . I miss how things used to be. I kinda miss school, sad huh? It was so easy though, get up do this be here at this time and do that. Sure it was boring but it was easy. . . and i saw everyone. Oh well il have to make an effort. Im going to try and get fit these holidays! :) It should be fun, and exhusting. . . Il have to be more selfdisiplined than i was this morning though. I woke up thought i should go for a run. Thought "Stuff it rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up again then went and had a shower and computered/weights/push ups for and hour before having milo cereal for breakfast.

I then kinda studied. Then i got Mcdonalds on the way to school for my exam said Hi to Nick, Bob and Jacob. Then did the exam. Got annoyed and spent like an hour trying to make it balance. Stupid thing! Turned out it didnt need to balance. . . which makes it incredibly GAY!!! Then did the whole youth group thing. . . It was boring except i volunteered to ask the questions to the leaders. Man it's wierd calling my Dad "Chris". He's never been Chris to me, its just so different...

Anyways im going to go and sleep now!

What the hell is going on?!

Im so confused. Why is everything so confusing? I feel something on day, the next day its just worse. I can't stop feeling the way i do. Im not a switch.

Lol I just got that song in my head

"I'll be the switch she turns on, She'll be mine too, I'll get off, I'll be the fuse that she blows, And

even with the lights out we'll glow"

Anyway, it sucks this feeling, i dont know what to do. I know what i want. The problem is its all dependent. I can't really do anything to change the outcome. This grizzling and moaning wont help me though. So il stop.

"Smile for a while and lets be Jolly, Life shouldnt be so meloncholy"

SO!!!

How was you day? I had Bob and Jacob come over and stay the only problem with the plan that we'd study was the study part. We stayed up late and watched Amazing Grace and Donny Darko. Well i didnt watch Donny Darko, i dont really enjoy that movie its got to many little storylines in it, but the over all story is far to WTF!?! Amazing Grace was a cool movie though. I enjoyed it. William Wilberforce felt all these horrible emotions and it was interesting, and understandable.

You know what i like about my blog? I can use as many "and"s in my sentence and know one can stop me! Muhuhahaha and and and and and and and anyway!

It was a good movie, we had a lack of fizzy and chips though. . . So we wont be getting fat. xD We sleept in til like 10.30 which was bad for Bob who's been await being quiet for 3hours by the time i awoke! :P I woke up and he was busy stuying! Lol he probly did more study than any of us in that 3hrs even though he confessed he probly only spent half that time studying (translation 30mins :P )

After breaky and stuff we went to study! And me being such a good boy was on Myyearbook and Bob asked me what i was studying so i truthfully awnsered Linda, a random i was looking at the profile of because id agreed with a comment she'd made on a mag so i had to Hi-5 her! Well that was probly the highlight of my day. . . Man im boring! Well i guessing studying doesnt do much good to the exciting-ness!

"They say that absence makes the heart grow founder, but i doubt it, I really doubt it."

Last exam tomorrow! So then i'l be free!!! So that will be sweet as! :) Il be able to do what ever i

like! And these holidays im gonna try and be a real social bunny i do believe! So if your reading this and I know who you are! Lets do something! lets make these holidays EPIC!

Exams

Argh!!! I just did my Maths exams and i was overconfident. I thought id be doing great in them and i was until the last question on each paper! i was like ARGH!!! SO FRUSTRATING!!! I think i may have gotten E's on two off them. But i wanted to ace them to make sure i passed NCEA with Excellence. Now the only way i will pass the year with Excellence is if i aced Economic's, ace Accounting and get atleast on E in History tomorrow!!!

SO BIG!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Basically if i miss one of the Excellences im aiming for i will only pass the year with Merit! AND TO ME THATS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! I wish i worked harder this year on the internals i had even though i only had like 9 i got E in 4 of them and Merit in 4 and achieved in one. I wish i put just a little bit more effort in those 4 i didnt get with E, even though the some of them were english which im not very good at! ARGH!!!

Im also annoyed that so many of the subjects we've done have been unit standards! They should be achievement standards!!! (Unit standards you can only pass or fail). Its annoying cause Science which im usually getting E's and M's in this year was only unit standards apart from one test (i got E in that). And Religious studies! WTH!!! All unit standards, basically copy awnsers straight from the book! Because of this stupid subject we got offered less topic's in some exams! i mean what the hell! It was a complete waste of 3 periods a week! 30 Periods a term, 100ish Periods! WHAT THE HELL! Great way to waste 100hrs of our lives! Gosh!

Argh, oh well i should be studying for history right now so im going to go do that. I need to get E in one of the things so iv got to learn dates, places, and names of people! AH!!!

Oh well i hope your all going well with your exams and arent as ready to explode as me!

I need this - Goodnight Nurse

Tell me that we'll be fine
Just cover up my eyes
For me
Tell me another lie
You know that
I don't mind
Fool me

I-I-I-I-I-I need this
I need this
If it is just for show
Don't ever tell me so
I beg you
If it's all a show
If it's all a show
Then don't you ever tell me so
Say what I want to hear
Then cover my burning ears
From the truth
From the truth

I-I-I-I-I-I need this
I need this
So give me something to believe
The slightest word is all I need
Do all you can to keep me blind
And I'll pretend that I'm alright
I'm in the dark
So let me stay
Just tell me to turn away
Just tell me to turn away

Let me believe in you
You know that
I want to
Hold on
I see it in your eyes
But I'd rather live a lie
Than say goodbye

I-I-I-I-I-I need this
I need this
So give me something to believe
The slightest word is all I need
Do all you can to keep me blind
And I'll pretend that I'm alright
I'm in the dark
So let me stay
Just tell me to turn away
I need this
Just tell me to turn away
I need this

Good bye! Powering off. . .

"Good bye! Powering off. . ."
This is what my phone said to me as i looked at it dispairingly. I dont know completly how to feel. I feel numb. It's a strange feeling. Sometimes i feel hurt, like now as i type this. Other times i feel happy like last night. :) Most the time now though i feel numb. I dont really feel like doing anything. And the stress from exams doesnt help!!! Im gonna go study tomorrow if i can get up in time. I need some early nights. . . Yes tomorrow a WHOLE day studying! doesnt that just sound dreadful? I think my brain will explode. But i really need to study maths and to study history. . .

Argh!!!

Im mega tired. . . so i hope i don't make to many errors.

What have i been up to you wonder?
Well iv spent two and a half days studying at my mummys work! Full days like 7-8hrs of hard studying. I have also done a english exam (went terribly i think :( ) and a economic's exam which was a walk in the park on a summers day, if i do say so my self! I have more exams coming up so im a bit stressed at the moment. I went to the Gym yesterday with Siobhan, and she was right it is fun! But i was smelly afterwards. She was wrong though about looking completly disgusting afterwards!

Whats going on in my life?
Lot's Exams, Relationships, tiredness! Exam's ARGH!!!! Relationships, meh!!! People can be painful, and it hurts :(. Some people are sad and thats no good. Others i dont know, its just wierd hanging with them. Maybe some of thats cause i feel so numb? Im not sure. I miss some things. The way they used to be. Even though there were many things wrong. I wish it could be fixed. I hate things that have happened.

Right now?
Im wishing i didnt send those last to txts. . . Im not sure if i can deal with the truth. Its going to hurt me. Heres the reply now. . . *deep breath* FUDGE. Yes well that wasnt what i expected. . . Nor was it what id hoped for though.

Im sooo tired. I might try and go to sleep. Good night peoples. Pray for better days! Pray for happiness, Pray for an end to all this confusion. Pray for People who you Love. Pray. . .

:)

First to be said goodbye too

Well Hello, reader.
Yes singular! Lol that's all i think anyway! :p Oh well i only have 3 peoples blogs that i follow.

Any way! the point of this blog! Im not happy at the moment. Obvious reasons, but one seems to be the way things are going around everyone. I dont know if its just me, but i feel like EVERYONE is saying hello to be last, and goodbye to me first. Maybe im just being crazy. But thats what it feels like. And being the last one to be replied to as well. I remember a time when i'd literally spring across the room when i got a txt, casue i hoped it'd be from someone and often it was. I liked to think the other person did the same. I still do that sometimes. Anyhow it could just be life at them moment thats making me feel like this; it could just be growing up; it could be exams.

Im tired and stressed. And i guess typing a blog at 20mins past 11 doesnt help at all if your tired. Im stressed about my friends. Im not happy; some of them are some of them are worse than me! and i can not understand why! Sure its all stressful at the moment. Sure we've got issues! We need to talk through them with people, sort them all out. Then we can smile and be happy! We can pretend to be happy but when it all explodes in our face, we dont feel happy anymore. We wont feel happy and we'll stop feeling happy. It's what i try'd to do. Ignore it; pretend it'd never happened; pretend it'd all changed. It worked for a night, a day, a few days. But i always. ALWAYS got slapped back into reality by a big fat ugly fish.

Oh well, a desperatly tired boy says many things! I miss my life up intil 2months ago, i miss my life up until about 14months ago. That was when it was the best. Before the brown stuff hit the fan so to say.

MEH!!!

AH!!!

Exams soon, im a bit worried. But not to much. . . Im gonna study lots on Thursday and Monday. So i should be all good! Im just stressed over other things. Its almost been a month. And nothings getting better. Well it doesnt seem to be anyway. And that makes me sad.

Im worried about other people. I wish people could be happy! I miss old times when it was fun. Before everyone got confused and screwed up and stressed! I wish people knew what they wanted.

I dont really know what im going to be when i grow up. I wish i did. I dont want a job. Works lame. Rather just sit in a room and do nothing.

I need to get more money i have $1.10 in my bank account at the moment. SO POOR!!! Im slowly eating through my cash supply. I think i need to start taking my lunch when i go out and taking a drink bottle. Save me like $8 a time! Thats over half my money per week! Theres a plan!

I got 2nd in Economic's. Im annoyed at myself, i shouldv studied for the tests now. . . No one ever remembers second place. People dont say well done im proud of you. They always go "Who came first?" next year im going to work harder, i want to get first in something.

I dont know how i feel about myself, I used to think i was smart, but im not, im average. I used to think i was kind and people would turn to me when they needed to talk, but they dont. I used to be happy all the time, but now im not. I rarely feel happy, happy. Most the time its just what can i do so im not sitting on my arse in front of the computer. People invite me to things but its not overly thrilling. Just average. I used to look forward to seeing people, now most people i dread it. I used to think people wanted to see me. Now i feel like baggage, i dont normally get a smile. If i do i get ditched for someone else if they come along. Maybe im boring?

Who know's i dont!

Im so tired. . . I need to go to bed on time. Prize giving tonight. I have to go sit through 2hrs+ of people getting 1st in this and 1st in that! So depressingly boring! Good for them though. But i only feel pride for a few people who won. I dont know if they care entirely that i do or understand how proud I am of them. I feel like everyone's growing with new relationships and im not. Everyone's making new friends and im not needed like i used to be, and im losing my place in peoples lives.

Maybe im just a grizzling. . .

Im going to go do something now!

Have fun in this game of life!

The end lingers. . .

One more day of proper school for this year! then off on Holidays! during which im going to become an amazing drummer! :P

This picture is from Friday, Let me introduce the V-Dairy Challange. Nick and I dicided that we would take a piture of the dairy everytime new graffeti appeared on it. This is Day one of the Challange. Nick is in the picture to prove that it really is Graffeti Free. Every Sunday if theres new Graffetti im gonna take a picture and keep a track of it here, and my bebo. Just thought it'd be interesting!

Well yes back to the important stuff! On friday was Fiesta, it was fun. . . Meh. I guess. It was hard though. People being people and different around other people.

"Playing Ping-Pong Over Oceans, Messing with Emotions. Messing with My Head."

We went to the park cause the actual Fiesta got a bit tedious. The park was fun. Looked at clouds. . . Left people to there lonesome. It was fun. Talked with others discussed somethings. Then we left and walked around the park to sneak in and see what those people were up to. . . All commando like! :P

It wasnt entirely horrible. . . Made me feel a bit meh. Cause some people were acting ways that confused me and made me stressed. But Jo gave me a girls perspective on it which made me feel a little better.

Then i walked back with Young Nick to his house to watch Pulp Sport! and then we let off some of Matts homemade skyrockets! They made huge bangs! and he kinda explained how to make them so iv got to try it :P

Then on Saturday i meet Jonny, and Bob in town Andrew was supposed to come but we have no idea what was going on there cause he never showed up! So we hung out with out him i got Nick his Birthday present. Cheap Trick Greatest hits, and i bought Elemeno P - Love and Disrespect and GoodNight Nurse - Keep Me On Your Side! We hung out walking around town, We went to Pennylane the best cd store in CHCH. Its cool, like Real Greedy just everythings $5 cheaper!

Then at 4.30ish they went home and i ran to laserstrike! For Nicks Party! And OMG Laserstrike is completly different! so cool though. And i used my upgrades to buy better sheilds and stuff. So i was a bit better. . . I got a decent score i thought. The Guy that won got most trigger happy and but he cheated he'd cover up the laser so you couldnt shot him! It was quite exciting! :)

Then i went to GoodNight Nurse with Siobhan and Kristin it was fun! we played pool and moshed! Except one girl infront off us stunk the whole room out . . . She smelt worse than a tent full of un-showered boys at eastercamp! I got GGN to sign my CD which was neat! :) It was a good weekend. Even if i couldnt sleep and i was up to like 2am! :P

My weekend!

So, in the weekend i went to a party!

WHOA! at my friend Hannah's house. We were safe because her big brother checked up on us every we while. Some people drunk so much and did so many stupid things! it was funny to watch. I only drunk the one pulse. Tastes like energy drink! It was nice but i drunk it slowly!
Its funny how people are different when the're drunk do things they'd never normally do. PEOPLE they'd never noramally do. Next time im taking like a camera to take video's cause people act so halirious!

Especilly when we put young Jovan into "the box" he had no idea what was going on! It was so so so funny!!!

And there were lots of halirious quotes! look on Siobhan's page if you'd like to read some!
It was a fun evening, except someone binge drunk well two people, and they through up all over my stuff. . . So i had to make up a cover story for the old Parentals!

Well i gotta go to school il blog more after youth group.

Bye!