Didn't feel any guilt.

I have come to the conclusion that I am deluded. I have been living in a dream world for a long time now. Its taken me a while to realise, and I'm still not really coming to terms with it, but every things changed. It's time for me to admit that and stop living in a fantasy land, nothing happens the way you expect it to, and I can be as optimistic as I want, be prepared for the best when really I should prepare for the worst. Things will not happen as I want, hints will not be understood, crazy dreams of everything being fixed. The whole boy at the airport or flying around the world to talk to the girl he left and realised he loved, tween romance cliche. I must except the change, move on, grow up.

I used to be terrified of change, the truth was is I was to happy being safe. I didn't want to try new things, meet new people. I was Sam, a safe little boy, I thought safe was good, it was fine, boring. I hated being boring, but it was bare able because I was safe, as long as I was boring there was very little that could hurt me. I was safe in a very small world, my world is still small, and safe but I do strongly believe that this has to change. In my safe world I experienced little, few things that are worth repeating, no adventures. Safe is the old me, the scared me.

My life has been littered with incidences lately where I have planned to do something, something huge, and something has come and blocked my path. An example of this was when I was 100% sure about doing something that was completely new and terrified me, would have involved me doing something that could of potentially hurt some people or myself. He closed the door for a while, giving me time to reflect on it more before I try to do it. Its funny when I think about it. God has a sence of humour, he mixes things around, and forces you to choose new paths. One example is when that a few times in the last week i have gone to make one decision like yes this is what I will do, and immediately after I have committed myself something else arises. Its quite funny for me, he's getting me to do things I was to scared to do. Like next week I'm meeting with my pastor to talk about me taking sunday school for 8-10 year olds, which was something that I had wanted to do but had made lame excuses for not volinteerting. I guess you could call it a Jona situation.

Ever head the expression rules are made to be broken? I do not live by that phrase, its time I believe. I have my morals, I hope they wont break they're strong enough I hope. Today I recognise that my safe world its over, I must enter the real world.

Some rules are made to be broken some are to be bent. Life isn't fare and people get hurt, but its all the way the world works. It's time to become a more exciting person. I am going to be making some changes. No more living in my own world. If you want to help me escape, invite me to experience your world, I want to be more open, adventurous. Help me to expand my world.

Across the Universe

I did watch this movies today. Movie? Maybe sorta musical. If you've never heard of it. It is the story of Jude, Lucy, Sadie, Jojo, Max, and Prudence. With those names alone several of you may be beginning to feel clicks appearing in your mind to what the songs in the musical are. . . Well Jonny, if you havn't im dissapointed!

The story/musical/movie is full of Beatles songs everywhere. Not in a horrible way where everything is that, but where conversations are had and songs are sung linked but seperately. It is beautifully crafted. I very much enjoyed the movie. It made me go on Youtube and listen to the beatles songs in the movie. And I must say that even though this will be considered hiracy by some. . . I much prefer the versions of the songs sung by the cast in the movie. If you'd like to hear them listen to them in my playlist box.

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I think NQA is going to do a big screen viewing of this movie sometime soon! It should be great!

No more exams!

I feel so exhusted. I suppose bing up at 11pm doesnt help me much though. I feel so tired after exam's.
Lol now continueing writing this entry at 12pm :P

Well life, is as it is! Exam's are over, school is over! Im trying to be busy. but old habits are kicking in, making sorta plans then my brain kinda panic's and i try and weasel my way out of them. Maybe i am a weasel? I dont want to be a weasel, they're ugly. And evil like the ones in Redwall! Great books btw just dont match with each other which annoys me!

Well im gonna go night nights now. . . I miss how things used to be. I kinda miss school, sad huh? It was so easy though, get up do this be here at this time and do that. Sure it was boring but it was easy. . . and i saw everyone. Oh well il have to make an effort. Im going to try and get fit these holidays! :) It should be fun, and exhusting. . . Il have to be more selfdisiplined than i was this morning though. I woke up thought i should go for a run. Thought "Stuff it rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up again then went and had a shower and computered/weights/push ups for and hour before having milo cereal for breakfast.

I then kinda studied. Then i got Mcdonalds on the way to school for my exam said Hi to Nick, Bob and Jacob. Then did the exam. Got annoyed and spent like an hour trying to make it balance. Stupid thing! Turned out it didnt need to balance. . . which makes it incredibly GAY!!! Then did the whole youth group thing. . . It was boring except i volunteered to ask the questions to the leaders. Man it's wierd calling my Dad "Chris". He's never been Chris to me, its just so different...

Anyways im going to go and sleep now!

Youth Group!

Well tonight was a thursday night so i did what i always do. I went to Zebs and had a Jam type thing! it was fun! except we ran outta Guitar amps! Lol but yeah we played this kinda Bluesy Jazzy song that was quite slow for like 1/2 and hour. It was AW-Sum! I'm the drummer btw ;) incase you didnt guess from my pictures! :P
Well Youth Group was fun we watched Star Wars a New Hope, laughed at all the clitches and because there are no girls at my youthgroup laughed at all the perfectly harmless stuff that could be dodgy if said in the wrong way! Then we had a debate over who was better Han Solo, or Luke Skywalker! I voted 4 Han Solo!