Right now I don't feel like I'm living my life, I'm doing a lot. Runs, exercise, geocaching hanging out with people. It all seems pretty pointless though. Theres nothing to it. Its all empty. I want to lock myself in my room and just stay there. Better yet I want this year to go quicker so I can get away. Perhaps in Otago with the distance and the not having to deal with seeing you all the time it will get easier to get back the control of my life.
Perhaps its not you but I'm just looking for a scape goat for my lamenting. To explain why everything seems so utterly pointless all the time. I need to do something meaningful, save someones life, jump of a cliff or something to get some life juice flowing and then I need to keep that juice around and not let it be sucked out of me at school again. My holidays were awesome when I didn't remember things. At what point will I be able to look back on my memories and smile, or at least feel indifferent?
Oh Ranting. . .
Anyway I got offered a place to stay at Salmond College in dunners, and I think I'm gonna take it after I ask my auntie a bit more about it when she comes to stay tomorrow as it wasn't my first choice, and no one else I know of is going there, they all got into St. Margaret's! Oh well the idea of going to Otago was to start something knew make new friends and get away from events of this year. Oh and to study of course!
Showing posts with label miss it. Time to grow up Sammy Boy.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miss it. Time to grow up Sammy Boy.. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Letter to a much younger me.
Lately I've been think about things I have learned. Not like learned in school but life things, things I wish I'd known when I was younger. So I decided I'd write myself a letter.
Dear Younger Sam,
Don't worry everything will be cool. Listen to more music, and remember just cause you don't like a band doesn't mean no one else should.
Play Canoe Polo as soon as you can. It's epic and you don't want to only play it for school in your last year!
Remember your friends, remember and the lyrics "Your best friend is not your girlfriend."
Don't waste so much money on junk food. Watch out for girls, the can rock your world to ruin. Look out for one called Tash.
Ignore your dad's teasing it is possibly, healthy even to have girls that are friends.
Study more, be a girly swat, more badges will look nice on your blazer.
Don't give up on soccer, after all your friends leave Halswell you should have tried Rolleston.
Get your licence earlier it will give you so much more freedom and free time. You wouldn't have had to waste so much time on the bus getting across town.
Trial for every team you would like to get into even if its a long shot its worth the experience! Do the subjects at school you enjoy not just the ones your good at. Remember accounting is boring, do bio instead.
Don't bother doing archery, you'll hate it.
Statistics is not maths don't bother doing it, do calculus if you can.
Don't pass up any opportunities for adventure. Remember it is better to regret doing something than not doing it. (Within reason).
Video games are not a productive pass time, try to do something else.
Start learning drums sooner rather than later so that you have some kind of mastery when you get to an age where you care about that sort of thing.
Read instructions for tests and assignments, so you don't miss out on merit credits that would get you an endorsement!!!
Have fun you Muppet and don't be such a patsy!
Yours Sincerely
Older and hopefully some what more enlightened Sam.
I wonder if that note would have changed anything? Even if I wouldn't have understood any of it straight away.
Dear Younger Sam,
Don't worry everything will be cool. Listen to more music, and remember just cause you don't like a band doesn't mean no one else should.
Play Canoe Polo as soon as you can. It's epic and you don't want to only play it for school in your last year!
Remember your friends, remember and the lyrics "Your best friend is not your girlfriend."
Don't waste so much money on junk food. Watch out for girls, the can rock your world to ruin. Look out for one called Tash.
Ignore your dad's teasing it is possibly, healthy even to have girls that are friends.
Study more, be a girly swat, more badges will look nice on your blazer.
Don't give up on soccer, after all your friends leave Halswell you should have tried Rolleston.
Get your licence earlier it will give you so much more freedom and free time. You wouldn't have had to waste so much time on the bus getting across town.
Trial for every team you would like to get into even if its a long shot its worth the experience! Do the subjects at school you enjoy not just the ones your good at. Remember accounting is boring, do bio instead.
Don't bother doing archery, you'll hate it.
Statistics is not maths don't bother doing it, do calculus if you can.
Don't pass up any opportunities for adventure. Remember it is better to regret doing something than not doing it. (Within reason).
Video games are not a productive pass time, try to do something else.
Start learning drums sooner rather than later so that you have some kind of mastery when you get to an age where you care about that sort of thing.
Read instructions for tests and assignments, so you don't miss out on merit credits that would get you an endorsement!!!
Have fun you Muppet and don't be such a patsy!
Yours Sincerely
Older and hopefully some what more enlightened Sam.
I wonder if that note would have changed anything? Even if I wouldn't have understood any of it straight away.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I miss. . .
I miss, being able to play in the sand pit at kindy.
I miss, being excited to go to school, to see people, and learn new things.
I miss, playing on the fort and pretending the ground is Lava.
I miss, listening to so many of my songs and getting excited.
I miss, watching sci-fi's and not feeling like I need to be doing something else.
I miss, getting a text and leaping across the room in excitement.
I miss, getting texts from people who aren't my parents
I miss, getting phone calls.
I miss, Akaroa my favourite memories are there.
I miss, that annoying pomeranean that would bark and always be there.
I miss, keeping my head on straight.
I miss, being able to think straight.
I miss, being hugged.
I miss, having my handheld.
I miss, singing out of tune and dancing around with you.
I miss, sitting in my PJ's and playing the sims.
I miss, sleeping with a winnie the pooh duvey on a leopard covered mattress on the floor.
I miss, knowing that you care.
I miss, playing video games and feeling like I accomplished something.
I miss, not feeling so empty.
I miss, knowing that there was always someone who I could trust with anything and always be safe with.
I miss, my smile.
I miss, your smile.
I miss, being the reason for your smile.
I miss, listening to music, and having all the 'girls' being girls and not you , and all the 'love' being someone elses.
I miss, being able to ignore lyrics and just listen to the song.
I miss, having an idea in my head how it was gonna work out, not a plan, but a picture of you and me together in the future.
I miss, feeling comfortable, like I was enough.
I miss, having selfcontrol.
I miss, my laugh, not this stupid fake one that appears now to try and cover how I'm really feeling.
I miss, a goodnights sleep.
I miss, the thrill of your touch.
I miss, looking at a couple holding hands and not feeling insanely jealous at there happiness.
I miss, being the one you talked to.
I miss, having a reason to get up in the morning that wasn't because you have school.
I miss, not having to keep busy to avoid everything.
I miss, looking at things in shops and not feeling guilty for wanting to buy it for you.
I miss, looking in shops with you.
I miss, going to the food court and find parts of my meal gone cause you've helped yourself.
I miss, having you to talk to.
I miss, having a blog of substance.
I miss, my bestfriend lifes so lonely now you've left.
I miss, so many things.
What do you miss?
I miss, being excited to go to school, to see people, and learn new things.
I miss, playing on the fort and pretending the ground is Lava.
I miss, listening to so many of my songs and getting excited.
I miss, watching sci-fi's and not feeling like I need to be doing something else.
I miss, getting a text and leaping across the room in excitement.
I miss, getting texts from people who aren't my parents
I miss, getting phone calls.
I miss, Akaroa my favourite memories are there.
I miss, that annoying pomeranean that would bark and always be there.
I miss, keeping my head on straight.
I miss, being able to think straight.
I miss, being hugged.
I miss, having my handheld.
I miss, singing out of tune and dancing around with you.
I miss, sitting in my PJ's and playing the sims.
I miss, sleeping with a winnie the pooh duvey on a leopard covered mattress on the floor.
I miss, knowing that you care.
I miss, playing video games and feeling like I accomplished something.
I miss, not feeling so empty.
I miss, knowing that there was always someone who I could trust with anything and always be safe with.
I miss, my smile.
I miss, your smile.
I miss, being the reason for your smile.
I miss, listening to music, and having all the 'girls' being girls and not you , and all the 'love' being someone elses.
I miss, being able to ignore lyrics and just listen to the song.
I miss, having an idea in my head how it was gonna work out, not a plan, but a picture of you and me together in the future.
I miss, feeling comfortable, like I was enough.
I miss, having selfcontrol.
I miss, my laugh, not this stupid fake one that appears now to try and cover how I'm really feeling.
I miss, a goodnights sleep.
I miss, the thrill of your touch.
I miss, looking at a couple holding hands and not feeling insanely jealous at there happiness.
I miss, being the one you talked to.
I miss, having a reason to get up in the morning that wasn't because you have school.
I miss, not having to keep busy to avoid everything.
I miss, looking at things in shops and not feeling guilty for wanting to buy it for you.
I miss, looking in shops with you.
I miss, going to the food court and find parts of my meal gone cause you've helped yourself.
I miss, having you to talk to.
I miss, having a blog of substance.
I miss, my bestfriend lifes so lonely now you've left.
I miss, so many things.
What do you miss?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
15 Weeks
15 weeks of classes at MGS. After that I will have to choose what I do with my days. Decide a university, what jobs I try and get. Growing ups terrifying.
I remember a speech that I was given at a camp would have been end of Yr11. It was by this youth pastor, shit that speech scared me. It was make sure you have a plan, if you can. It was a warning to try and sort yourself out before school finishes. He said you need to know what your doing, because the year when after you've left school is according to him the hardest year you'll ever face. You'll find out who your real friends are, he said he found that he didn't really have any.
It scares me to think that next year that could be me. Well I don't think it will be, because I have people who I count as real friends, like Nick, Bob, Lawrence, Matt, Jacob, etc. But who knows when you don't see these people everyday what happens to your relationships? Will they still be there? When you spread out away from your high school and go all over the country to universities, polytech's, in search of careers. What happens then?
What happens if your in my boat and you're almost 18, a few months left to make a decision like what am I going to do next year? Or even scarier where am I going to do it? Sometime I wish my parents would tell me what I'm going to be when I'm growing up, like they have some sort of expectation. They want what I want. Me to get a good job and live a happy life.
How come thiers no way to find out what that is? I mean out of my subjects at school thiers none that excites me 100% of the time. A few of them have moments of excitement. Realistically, I cannot see myself doing anything with them 100% of the time. Economics that was my favourite subject in year 11's not anymore. It bores me, the things that made it interesting, the rules, understanding of society, the assumptions. Are now just tedious.
If I had to be honest I don't really enjoy any of my subjects at the moment, except PE, and that's just cause of the weights training program. Which is probably the only reason I really go to school at the moment, other than the fact I made a commitment at the beginning of the year and I'm going to keep it.
I hope that everything makes sense soon. I hope I can decide what I want to do, who I want to be.
I remember a speech that I was given at a camp would have been end of Yr11. It was by this youth pastor, shit that speech scared me. It was make sure you have a plan, if you can. It was a warning to try and sort yourself out before school finishes. He said you need to know what your doing, because the year when after you've left school is according to him the hardest year you'll ever face. You'll find out who your real friends are, he said he found that he didn't really have any.
It scares me to think that next year that could be me. Well I don't think it will be, because I have people who I count as real friends, like Nick, Bob, Lawrence, Matt, Jacob, etc. But who knows when you don't see these people everyday what happens to your relationships? Will they still be there? When you spread out away from your high school and go all over the country to universities, polytech's, in search of careers. What happens then?
What happens if your in my boat and you're almost 18, a few months left to make a decision like what am I going to do next year? Or even scarier where am I going to do it? Sometime I wish my parents would tell me what I'm going to be when I'm growing up, like they have some sort of expectation. They want what I want. Me to get a good job and live a happy life.
How come thiers no way to find out what that is? I mean out of my subjects at school thiers none that excites me 100% of the time. A few of them have moments of excitement. Realistically, I cannot see myself doing anything with them 100% of the time. Economics that was my favourite subject in year 11's not anymore. It bores me, the things that made it interesting, the rules, understanding of society, the assumptions. Are now just tedious.
If I had to be honest I don't really enjoy any of my subjects at the moment, except PE, and that's just cause of the weights training program. Which is probably the only reason I really go to school at the moment, other than the fact I made a commitment at the beginning of the year and I'm going to keep it.
I hope that everything makes sense soon. I hope I can decide what I want to do, who I want to be.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Excitement
I miss the little things that used to excite me, the text you get from someone, anyone, saying hey, or that special someone that let you know they were thinking of you. The thrill of the kiss, the happpiness that blurred your head for the rest of the day. The warmth of the hug. The sound of the voice on the other end of the phone when they ring you. The excitement of it all. I miss it.
Time to find something else, perhaps I should listen to my 4.20 wake up calls and take up drugs? Just an Idea!
A better one would be convince my parents I should get a puppy, I'd Love a puppy. My family has lots of pets but none of them have been mine since the last lambs we had and they were that cool. Tastey though.
Time to find something else, perhaps I should listen to my 4.20 wake up calls and take up drugs? Just an Idea!
A better one would be convince my parents I should get a puppy, I'd Love a puppy. My family has lots of pets but none of them have been mine since the last lambs we had and they were that cool. Tastey though.
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