Theme Thursday - Camera

Camera's are amazing, especially digital camera's. I am growing up in a generation where camera's are everywhere, everyone has a camera. Most people have one on there phone and are able to snap pictures of anything and everything of interest.

I wonder if we are missing the use of camera's now a days. Sure we have heck loads of pictures, but how many of them ever make it out of the camera? Or off of face book. Is it better having 1000 photo's of one evening all that are average or 20 that are on paper, clean un-photo shopped (I'm pretty sure that at least some of the chicks I know photo shop themselves before uploading at least some of there photos). Surely these tangible photo's that reflect pure un-tainted memory are better than the retouched digital copies. The smiles always look brighter on paper as well.

I'm not sure what I'm tying to say; perhaps it is that it seems that my friends are trying to remember too many of the moments, and perhaps a few good old fashion pictures, like a group photo,(like the one above of me and my friends at the beach) or the smiling couple are better than quick snaps of everyone no matter what there doing.

Someone talking and holding a drink or about to eat a chip is only of interest to, well nobody.
A picture of everyone gathered round smiling into the camera full of happiness will always be better in my book. Perhaps we need to go back to the heart of photo's and camera's and learn to only record what is worth remembering and leave people to drink there drinks in peace.

Is there any answer?

This afternoon I was fine, I don't know if it was the run I went on in my study or the time spent in the weights room, or the Kahlua I had with my afternoon tea, what ever it was I was feeling all right. I wish I knew which one, if one it was. I didn't mind that I was missing Canoe Polo, something that has sadly been the highlight of my week for the past few weeks due to dislocating my finger on Friday playing goalie in an indoor football competition. Or that there was no 2ND XI football for me cause the council closed all of the public grounds. I was alright with that.

Is there any answer that will shut it out? Sure I could drink a lot, but that's just stupid. I can't run forever, I barely survived the run I did this morning in study. I can't sleep forever, I can't even get to sleep when I jump into bed it takes me hours at the moment. I don't want to feel like this, I want to be happy again. Recently I've heard a from a few people that they consider me a smiley person ,or at least they did when I used to see them often. I wish it was true, cause smiles mean happy don't they? What can I do to get happy?
I'm not even sure what things make me happy at the moment, I just do things because I committed to them. I'm trying to do things that should make me happy. I keep falling into my own trap that I built myself years ago. Now I'm suffering for it. Its a bit of a honey trap though, and I do seem to love this honey!

Pain makes u feel alive, it also makes us wish to be dead.

Now that just sounds morbid. . .

Excitement

I miss the little things that used to excite me, the text you get from someone, anyone, saying hey, or that special someone that let you know they were thinking of you. The thrill of the kiss, the happpiness that blurred your head for the rest of the day. The warmth of the hug. The sound of the voice on the other end of the phone when they ring you. The excitement of it all. I miss it.

Time to find something else, perhaps I should listen to my 4.20 wake up calls and take up drugs? Just an Idea!

A better one would be convince my parents I should get a puppy, I'd Love a puppy. My family has lots of pets but none of them have been mine since the last lambs we had and they were that cool. Tastey though.

Repeats

Do you ever read something, and then have to read it again, and again, and again. Just in an attempt to understand it?
I do, it's not the understand like i don't get what its saying, its the struggling to know what it means; and what that could mean to you.
Lately I have been a bit fragile, someone told me to day i was acting insane, which i told them was bit harsh. I settled for crazy. As this has happened to me I'm constantly reading things or seeing pictures, that make me flip out somewhat. I wonder what it could all mean, I read into it a lot, I lose myself into fantastic fantasies or lunatic nightmares. Its odd. I don't know if its lack of sleep. The fact that I haven't really had an appetite in like a week or something else entirely.

WHOA! Music on shuffle and I have found my song for the week; Track 4, on a Hangover You Don't Deserve. Listen to it if you work out what it is ;)

Didn't feel any guilt.

I have come to the conclusion that I am deluded. I have been living in a dream world for a long time now. Its taken me a while to realise, and I'm still not really coming to terms with it, but every things changed. It's time for me to admit that and stop living in a fantasy land, nothing happens the way you expect it to, and I can be as optimistic as I want, be prepared for the best when really I should prepare for the worst. Things will not happen as I want, hints will not be understood, crazy dreams of everything being fixed. The whole boy at the airport or flying around the world to talk to the girl he left and realised he loved, tween romance cliche. I must except the change, move on, grow up.

I used to be terrified of change, the truth was is I was to happy being safe. I didn't want to try new things, meet new people. I was Sam, a safe little boy, I thought safe was good, it was fine, boring. I hated being boring, but it was bare able because I was safe, as long as I was boring there was very little that could hurt me. I was safe in a very small world, my world is still small, and safe but I do strongly believe that this has to change. In my safe world I experienced little, few things that are worth repeating, no adventures. Safe is the old me, the scared me.

My life has been littered with incidences lately where I have planned to do something, something huge, and something has come and blocked my path. An example of this was when I was 100% sure about doing something that was completely new and terrified me, would have involved me doing something that could of potentially hurt some people or myself. He closed the door for a while, giving me time to reflect on it more before I try to do it. Its funny when I think about it. God has a sence of humour, he mixes things around, and forces you to choose new paths. One example is when that a few times in the last week i have gone to make one decision like yes this is what I will do, and immediately after I have committed myself something else arises. Its quite funny for me, he's getting me to do things I was to scared to do. Like next week I'm meeting with my pastor to talk about me taking sunday school for 8-10 year olds, which was something that I had wanted to do but had made lame excuses for not volinteerting. I guess you could call it a Jona situation.

Ever head the expression rules are made to be broken? I do not live by that phrase, its time I believe. I have my morals, I hope they wont break they're strong enough I hope. Today I recognise that my safe world its over, I must enter the real world.

Some rules are made to be broken some are to be bent. Life isn't fare and people get hurt, but its all the way the world works. It's time to become a more exciting person. I am going to be making some changes. No more living in my own world. If you want to help me escape, invite me to experience your world, I want to be more open, adventurous. Help me to expand my world.

Theme Thursday - Candy

My favourite Candy of all time is GUMMY BEARS!
I have no idea why these cute sweet little gummy pieces of goodness are my favouite they just are. They don't taste especially amazing or any different from any other gummy lolly. Perhaps its there size and the fact you can so easily consume one after another after another getting extra satisfaction from each successive one consumed (MARGINAL UTILITY!). Perhaps this is the reason why Gummy Bears are the best candys ever!

Heres an annoying song to get stuck in your head.

Formal 2010

Yesterday was my School formal. My emotions surrounding the formal had been up and down for weeks. My mood changed when I went shopping for formal outfits with my mum and she let me choose what ever I wanted.
My mood brightened, for years I have wanted a pink shirt and Tie. I don't know why it's just been something I've wanted for years! For a while I was to scared to get it. People apparently say I'm gay which is just stupid. My girlfriend forbid me from getting one, because she thought people would call me gay. It was stupid, I know I'm not if people want to say that then its there problem it doesn't change any facts. So this year, not having a date to the formal I was able to wear my dream pink shirt and tie!
It was awesome, people I told at school got shocked looks on there face like I told them I was planning on wearing a freshly skinned cat or something else equally distasteful.
My parents were busy so I had to drive myself to a preformal gathering at Rosies and then to the formal. The biggest problem was this ment that I had to tie my own tie. Something in my several years of school having to wear a tie I have avoided. So I went to
http://www.tie-a-tie.net/windsor.html and I learnt to tie my tie!
At the formal I danced some ceroc, the little bit I could remember. It was fun I mucked about with different people danced like an Idiot. I was having fun wearing an awesome pink shirt and tie so I was happy and if anyone was upset with that its there problem! Below are some photo's of my evening and theres more on my facebook, if you know where that is. ;)



After the formal we went to Laurissa's boyfriends house, as she is house sitting and it was empty for the night. We hung out, watched youtube, watched the movies Grease and Inglorious Basturds. A Good night. The girls decided we'd dress up as this australian comedian Chopper Read so below are proof that yes, we have themes that most people would think silly, and yes we did all invest in fake moustaches! Well on image as this part of the evening was recorded on someone elses camera. All and all last night was a good night, I enjoyed my formal when I thought I wasn't and now I own a Pink shirt and Tie! :)