I miss. . .

I miss, being able to play in the sand pit at kindy.
I miss, being excited to go to school, to see people, and learn new things.
I miss, playing on the fort and pretending the ground is Lava.
I miss, listening to so many of my songs and getting excited.
I miss, watching sci-fi's and not feeling like I need to be doing something else.
I miss, getting a text and leaping across the room in excitement.
I miss, getting texts from people who aren't my parents
I miss, getting phone calls.
I miss, Akaroa my favourite memories are there.
I miss, that annoying pomeranean that would bark and always be there.
I miss, keeping my head on straight.
I miss, being able to think straight.
I miss, being hugged.
I miss, having my handheld.
I miss, singing out of tune and dancing around with you.
I miss, sitting in my PJ's and playing the sims.
I miss, sleeping with a winnie the pooh duvey on a leopard covered mattress on the floor.
I miss, knowing that you care.
I miss, playing video games and feeling like I accomplished something.
I miss, not feeling so empty.
I miss, knowing that there was always someone who I could trust with anything and always be safe with.
I miss, my smile.
I miss, your smile.
I miss, being the reason for your smile.
I miss, listening to music, and having all the 'girls' being girls and not you , and all the 'love' being someone elses.
I miss, being able to ignore lyrics and just listen to the song.
I miss, having an idea in my head how it was gonna work out, not a plan, but a picture of you and me together in the future.
I miss, feeling comfortable, like I was enough.
I miss, having selfcontrol.
I miss, my laugh, not this stupid fake one that appears now to try and cover how I'm really feeling.
I miss, a goodnights sleep.
I miss, the thrill of your touch.
I miss, looking at a couple holding hands and not feeling insanely jealous at there happiness.
I miss, being the one you talked to.
I miss, having a reason to get up in the morning that wasn't because you have school.
I miss, not having to keep busy to avoid everything.
I miss, looking at things in shops and not feeling guilty for wanting to buy it for you.
I miss, looking in shops with you.
I miss, going to the food court and find parts of my meal gone cause you've helped yourself.
I miss, having you to talk to.
I miss, having a blog of substance.
I miss, my bestfriend lifes so lonely now you've left.
I miss, so many things.

What do you miss?

Back from My Holiday!

I am back from my weekend away. I spent the time boarding with my family, and my mate Thomas. It was much better than going with myself. Thomas and I had a lot of fun doing runs that were far beyond our ability, and stacking a lot!

It was nice to be in Wanaka such a beautiful place in New Zealand, and be surrounded by the mountain air and beautiful scenery.

I was able to sigh and take a deep breath in and just enjoy the view. It was brilliant.
Unfortunately for me on the second to last night of us staying the 20 something year old's next door decided to have a party. There was a keg, and they were still going when I finally got to sleep well after 2am. Then getting up at 7am to go snowboarding did not lead to the most energetic day on the slopes. I'm still knackered now. Completely exhausted, I think I'm gonna have a super Early night tonight, straight after Doctor Who. :P

A 6hr drive, of quietness letting me think about what I want to do, has almost made me sure I want to be a doctor. So hopefully by the end of this week I'll no for certain and I can put some direction into my life!

Also I learned that listening to my music for 5hrs straight, skipping out random ones leads me to a euphoric state of mind that fills me with false hope, and a sense that following my gut might make me happy. Ah the problems with pop music!

P.S.
Does flipping a coin repetitively so that you get the other outcome mean that the later one is the preferred?

Snow Globe Emotions (100th Post!!!)

Today I was planning on writing about the concert I went to last night, and how I got player of the day at football today and those sorts of things.

However I had a thought. I thought about being upset, how the things that seem to put you over the edge or the MASSIVE things that shock you into being upset mess your head up make it crazy. I thought it's like a snowglobe. When the ential event happens your emotions get swirled. Everything is not as it seems, calmness is out the window. Acting on your emotions at this point is dangerous, will likely not bring any good at all.

After the intial shock and swirling you begin to calm down, but everything is still in a fluster and floating around. If you say something now when your upset your likely to say something stupid that will upset someone else or send you back to the first snowglobe.

After sometime has been taken and everything has been reflected on and everything has calm down from its intial intence state of craziness. Your emotions become clear and you can act normally. If you speak now your likely to be the most rational, if your irrational then the whole snowglobe might start again!

Well that was just my thoughts for today on crazy emotions and how I seem to be effected when something majorly upsets me.

Them Thursday - Blue

Ever since I was 5 I have been a blue boy. No I don't have a medical condition and no I haven't been constantly down. I have been wearing mainly blue clothes.
All growing up my mum would always buy me the blue one, and my little brother the red one. I still wear mainly blue to this day. It was my absolute favourite colour, until about 2 years ago when it became green. However I still live in a blue bedroom. I have blue Snowboard gear, beanies, shirts, jeans, sports gear, goggles, school folders. Almost everything is blue! In fact I am currently wearing blue jeans, a blue hoodie, and a blue hat!
My parents even let me choose the colours for my brother and I's shared bathroom which is mainly. . . You guessed it. Blue.
I really enjoy the colour blue, I love clear days where the sky is wide and blue and goes on for ever. I love the ocean when its calm when there is nothing but blue waves until the horizon where it meets blue sky's.
Blue truly is a beautiful colour, and there so much of it everywhere. I still think we all need more blue. Blue sky's, blue oceans, blue seems to have a calming effect. We all need that cool blue calm.

Graph Lack of Sleep and it's relationships

I'm not sure if you can see my graph but its something I've been thinking about recently, after me not getting enough sleep then the amount of dumb/stupid/rude/and things that make me sound like a dick, thought afterwards "WHAT THE HELL SAM! YOU IDIOT".
I don't like saying those things, and obviously I'm not saying I'm blaming them on a lack of sleep.
I just think there maybe some sort of relationship there, and if there is I need to get more sleep to hopefully sort myself out.

I'm sick of feeling constantly drained, cause due to lack of sleep and other things, that's how I feel at the moment. I need to sort this out. I have found that exercise seems to boast my mood for a while, but later it just returns to a flat drained place. Early night for me tonight I guess!

A better than expected evening.

Yesterday after staying home from school after stuggling to get to sleep before 1am, not getten woken up to watch the NZ vs. Paraguay live, or when my family decided to veiw it but being woken up at various other points in the night. All in all having one of the worst nights of sleep I've had in ages, which is saying a heck of a lot as I havn't been able to have a full nights sleep in weeks! To top it all off I felt like I was going to throw up most of the morning so I decided well, choose to snooze through my alarm and stay in bed until everyone else had left.

Its very warm under the covers with an electric blanket on! I spent the day watching the football, which was to say anything disappointing that we didn't get any goals, or really even come close too many times. Then I proceeded to watch SGU a very frustrating Sci-fi that I am about ready to give up on due to its weak storyline, unbelievable characters, situation and the two of the main characters being complete sluts. You can only watch a spaceship have no air, water, power, ect so many times before you get bored of it.

Anyhow, I thought I was gonna spend the evening at home with the cats, although warm and snug not the most exciting evening to be had. I really didn't feel like being stuck at home. I got a phone call from my dad asking me to do a message for him. The message involved me picking something up from point A and taking it to him at point B. At point B there was my bother, and my Freind Jonny, who invited me to go watch the band 5th Day of May with them at Zebs. The band was awesome. They have a violin!, and a hot chick bassest. ;) It was nice going out and doing something rather than being stuck at home in boringness!

We left half way through the second band which sounded like pop-rock you'd hear on the radio that had a friend who liked to scream so they let him join there band and scream all the lyrics for them. They werent very good. . .

That is the story of how my friday night was better than expected.

Theme Thursday - Triangle

When I was five, my school had a nativity play. I had wanted so badly to play the triangle. It had been my instrument of choice all through kindergarten. Every music time I would wrestle to get my triangle, I thought I was amazing at it. When my nativity play had come along, the day where everyone got there instruments went by, and that was my first sick day. It was also my first field trip. I missed out on too major things that day!

I hadn't really cared to much about the field trip it was to a car museum, I wasn't a car kid. I was a train kid. Thomas was what I had for everything. I had enough track to go all the way around the couch in the lounge!

What really got me upset was the next day when I was feeling better and we had the first nativity play practice. I turned up, when I heard what was going on I went straight for the triangle! Was I upset when Miss Martin told me that the triangle was being played by my class room Nemesis, Christian. I disliked that kid as much as I disliked Jaden from Kindergarten who always pulled my hair, as far as I can remember he did nothing to deserve my dislike. That was over 12 years ago, and five year olds aren't renowned for having Nemesis' for legitimate reasons.

I remember crying at morning tea time, for ages. My teacher came out to check on me and brought me a new instrument one I'd never seen before. She said she'd saved me the most important Job in the whole room 1 orchestra! I was excited, I had no idea how to use my new instrument though. Gently she explained, you use it like this and she showed me. It became immediately obvious what my task was! I was to be the donkeys feet noise. Joyously I practiced, clip, clop, clip, clop. I was brilliant. Donkey's have never, and never will walk with that much enthusiasm and bad rhythm.

I don't remember much about the nativity play, except me playing the clip clop on the donkeys for the one scene. Their were other donkey walkers for the other scenes. I remember one of the angels int the choir got a bleeding nose. Not good in a white dress, or in the middle of a primary school nativity play. It's odd the small things we remember when we think about it.