5 things I could have said.

At the moment I'm reading High Fidelity, I love that book, each time I read it I pick up something new. The characters, especially the main one are all so real. They're confused, unsure what they want and miserable. Recently I've been wanting to meet Rob, ask him some questions, and even though I know the advice he'd give me probably wouldn't be that great at least he could sell me some good music.

One of my favourite bits in the book is the part when Rob gets a phone call from Ray. The guy that his then ex-girlfriend Laura moved in with when she left him. The book then goes through the entire phone call and then thiers a list of other things he could have said, ranging from hanging up, to completely abusing the hell outta Ray, with the conclusion any of these things would have been a better alternative than what he actually said. Its so realistic though. I mean when we say something to someone, or that someone over hears then we rethink it. These situations happened to me twice in the weekend.

One was a phone call. I got it and was nice and kind and the person was nice and kind and it all confused the hell out of me. It got me worried and worked up about something, someone I really shouldn't care that much about. Not because I don't want to so much as they don't want me too. To be honest the way I handled that call ruined my weekend and I spent most of Sunday debating in my head how I should have handled it.

1. Fuck off it's 5 am.
2. Piss of you stupid drunken idiot, I hate you and all you've done leave me alone.
3. Are you alright? Do you need me to come around? What happened etc. . . .
4. I hate you, your a whore, I don't know if I can ever forgive you for what you've done, I know its not all your fault but you didn't have to be such a slut about it. I thought I might have meant more, blah blah blah. (Ok this response would've probably brought out drunken tears, and for some reason this doesn't bother me as much as It probably should.)
5. Ignored the whole situation.

What actually happened was along the lines of are you ok, why are you ringing me? I miss you? what happened? why don't you talk to him about it. It's ok I don't mind you ringing at the time. No no it doesn't matter that I have to be up soon to get to my canoe polo games and that you ruined my nights sleep. Don't worry it'll be ok. Why don't you come watch canoe polo?
I then spent the whole day regretting not doing option 5, or, 1, or 2, mostly 4 though, well regretting not going with option four and watching out to see if you did come, if you did remember my invitation and that you did care about me and it wasn't just because you were drunk. I was severely disappointed. Then I asked you about it and it was almost at bad as having to listen to you not do any work in statistic's class and talk about him.
Fuck you.
Before anyone says's anything to me about this all. It's my blog I can post what ever I want. Maybe I'm still this way because I am just a Patsy for your love?


Ok the other situation was a little less dramatic more of a quick speech thing, when I responded to something someone said with the wrong words. It was about someone missing a penalty in golden goal extra time. I said that'd make you want to commit suicide. I mean what the hell was I on? What I meant it that'd make you just want to disappear, you'd feel miserable. A person next to me over heard and commented on what a dumb thing I said. Someone nice who'd make a good friend, and I couldn't look at them for the next while cause I felt so stupid. Spent all of Sunday evening regretting not thinking about what I said. . . Almost tempted me to jump into the wine at my Nana's birthday dinner. However after the 5am experience I think alcohol is best to be avoided for everyone in every situation. Unless you in an emergency situation and you need to do something painful to someone and thiers no pain killers. . . Maybe then alcohol could be helpful.